Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Pax, Maddox, Shiloh, Zahara

Dear Ted:
Am I the only one who thinks it's absolutely hilarious that Brad Pitt, big movie star hottie tough guy, really is the antithesis of what he projects? I'm not a fan of Angelina Jolie, but I love it that she bosses his butt around! A man who is as weak and shallow as he is deserves it. I'm curious though, does he know his days are numbered or is love blind in this case?

Dear Two for One:
You're writing about completely separate issues: One, is it ultimately manlier for a guy to let his woman run the show (I say yes), and two, does Brad Pitt at all live in reality? The answer is definitely no. Any idiot can tell you that heart-breaker Angelina's eventually going to bail on Pitt—the only hope Brad really has is the fact that Angelina never entirely forgave her father for ditching her mom.

Dear Ted:
Why do you think so many people think Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are not a real couple or say "Rob is just not into Kristen"?

Dear It's Obvious:
Precisely because so many people want them to be a couple! The fact that whether or not Rob and Kristen really are a couple (they are) is ultimately irrelevant. It's the fact the such a large portion of the planet desires it—and people live to screw with other people's happiness. Just look at our comment boards if you don't believe me.

Dear Ted:
My daughter and I were talking this weekend about Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. We agree that Demi has a much better voice, but she is not as visible at Selena and we did not even know that Demi had a new song out. Selena is the favorite among my daughter's friends, but they also have heard that Demi was in rehab and are making the wrong assumptions as to why. So who do you think will last the longest? Also, I believe you've mentioned that Selena has a Vice, but does Demi and was it related to her very visible issue?

Dear It's Always the Sweetest Who's Sour:
Demi is way more honest about her life than is Selena, hence the reason there's no Vice surrounding Demi. Gomez is far subtler than that, which is precisely why your daughter's friends like her so much—she's a regular sneaky Taylor Swift, that one! Tell your girls to stick with Demi, as, yes, she is the better singer, always will be.

Dear Ted:
For some reason, the first person I thought of when I heard about Hildago Van Buren was Hugh Jackman, but I couldn't find any recent megaproductions that he is starring in. Has he ever been a Blind Vice before? He's always seemed a bit Vicey to me.

Dear Onto Something:
You are so close, as Hugh and Hildago are very good friends, just not the same person! And, baby, you bet Hugh's got a nice, juicy Vice in his closet, wouldn't you like to know what it is!

Dear Ted:
So if the Hollywood circle knows about your Vicers, why don't they spill the beans? If I knew who Toothy Tile was, and I was a B -lister, I would want to mess up his career to get his parts! An anonymous tip to the Enquirer equals extra cash and a ruined career...

Dear Stop Making Sense:
Guys have been doing exactly as you suggest to John Travolta for years. Has it made a difference? Not really. The public believes what it wants to. A nobody accuser against Toothy would prove the same results.

Dear Ted:
Alexander Skarsgård
is the hottest thing on True Blood, so it takes some effort to suck all the sexy out of a scene where you see his naked butt. Saint Bill was front and center, manning up to fight, saving Tara, and if we believe the promos, Sookie as well. Eric on the other had tried to run away, started the fight with bloody violence and ended up the witch's puppet. Alan Ball is so wrapped up in his Stephen-Anna love he has ruined the Eric-Sookie story we have waited three years for. I am losing interest fast and a Bill-Sookie pairing is not going to bring me back next year. Can Alan Ball really be sabotaging Eric and Sookie on purpose?

Dear Oh Dear:
Yes. It got you mad enough to write in, right? Don't give up on Skars yet. And remember, there's always the mute button.

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