TRUE BLOOD, Anna Paquin, Deborah Ann Woll

John P. Johnson / HBO

Last week, every fang-banger around was left wondering what would come of the witchey's great vampire massacre. OK, so mainly we were all wondering if Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) was still alive, in her half dead sort of way.

Point is, we expected bloody tears and pissed off vamps, but we totes didn't expect this:

Witch Fail

One vampire death, total. Gooo Team Vamp! Vampire Bill (Stephen Moyer) even oh-so smartly spun the death as a suicide victim of vamp bullying.  Smooth moves, your majesty. And that means Jessica survives, surprise, surprise. Come on, did you really think Alan Ball would let that redhead go?

Doesn't matter tho, ‘cause bloodbathing ensued between the supernaturals anyhoo. Leaving us to wonder how in the wolfin' world the super important main characters are going to escape death once again. Argh.

Was That the Infamous Shower Scene?

Oh-kay? It wasn't quite steamy hotness, like, at all. Plus we're a little weirded out by the angelic snow mixed with perfectly placed sheets.

Here's the vibe we got: Narnia slash cheesy romance novel. Something that should never ever go together. So here's the dealio, Alan Ball, Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) and Sookie (Anna Paquin) together equals hot, but you don't have to overdo it. Really. It was funny though.

Another Medium Takeover

Wherever the hell he is, you know Lafayette's (Nelsan Ellis) just thinkin' "ah hell naw bitch." The singing ghost hanging with the demon baby's all up in his body, and we're starting to think he guy has his cousin Tara's (Rutina Wesley) luck, but without the whiny thang.

Tho have to admit, it's time these T.B. writers started explaining what this demon child ghost is all about. Sorry Laf, you're just going to have to be her ghost bitch for a little while.

What did you think of the shower sex? Did you really think Jess would die? And is Lafayette going to bust out his French lullabies?

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