According to Access Hollywood—once again flaunting its tireless reportage skills by reporting what someone else has already reported—People magazine has named Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Hollywood's richest teen couple.

But who really has the upper hand in this power relationship?

Obvioulsy, Justin has the upper hand.

In fact, he's always lurching into Selena's bedroom at 3 a.m., unshaven, stinking, swilling from a bottle of scotch yelling "I'm getting damn sick'a yer measly five million dollar Disney punk ass! I could buy and sell you 10 times over! I'm worth more money than you've had hot dinners!"

Then he stubs out his Doral light on her favorite stuffed panda and laughs uncontrollably before dissolving into sobs, finally blubbering softly, "Please don't leave me...oh God, please don't leave me..." as Selena awakes, removes the ear plugs and sleep mask and whispers, "It's okay, Biebs. You have the upper hand," as Justin finally passes out in a growing puddle of his own tears.



  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share