Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears

Kevin Winter/TCA 2009/Getty; Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I know you're pissed at Miley Cyrus for smoking. I think smoking cigarettes is gross too. My problem is with all the people saying things like "those Disney stars are such a bad influence on my children!" Ay whey! My generation had Britney Spears, and once she went crazy did all her fans shave their heads too? I don't think so. I also totally looked up to Lindsay Lohan, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go to rehab a million times. People are pathetic!

Dear Bad Girls Club:
Brit-Brit and LiLo had the same parental pressure too, trust. But while Miles has been bey-otched at in the past for her occasionally dubious behavior, she seems to want to change her image a bit these days—and she's speakin' out for marriage equality so we totally heart her. That said, Miles still has a Vice or two that she keeps hidden better than her nasty nicotine habit.

Dear Ted:
Please, please, please give us some more clues about Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki's Blind Vices. Are we talking real down sleazy or just a little bit Vicey? Are their Vices linked to each other? Also, any gossip on their lovely wives? They seem too good to be true. Do they all get on well with each other? You rock!

Dear Super Freaks:
Since you begged I guess I'll give you a little goss, M. The Supernatural boys have juicy Vices, of course, but they're not the worst of the BV bunch. And while their wifey-poos don't have monikers of their own, they're worthy of chitchat themselves. To answer your last Q, yes, they get along for the most part. Does that satisfy ya?

Dear Ted:
I just watched Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey's wedding and it got me wondering what really happened with Nick and Jessica Simpson? Nick always struck me as a stand-up, honest guy you don't find in Hollywood who really loved Jessica and was completely blindsided. Is he as innocent in that marriage as I believe he was? And why no story from Nickwas he paid to keep quiet or is he just the type of guy that won't dish the dirt? Details please. And don't just tell me it was her father! I think Jessica will forever regret ditching Nick. Cheers.
—Loco for Lachey

Dear Newlyweds Round 2:
It takes two to tango—or divorce, in this case. You can't peg their relaysh problems on simply one half of the couple and Nicky certainly isn't a complete angel, as much as that may break your 98 Degrees lovin' heart. He's a good guy tho, and the best advice I can give him is to call it quits with the on-air livin' now that they've finished filming their nuptials. The reality show gig didn't work out so well the first time.

Dear Ted:
What do you mean when you say Nevis Divine isn't the marrying type? Wouldn't he be perfect with a fellow bisexual or anyone who has no problem with his attraction to both sexes?

Dear I Don't:
I'm sure that Nev could work out some sort of arrangement with a very open minded significant other, but he's not the type of guy who likes to be tied down, clearly. I wouldn't expect wedding bells to ring in his Vicey world anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
You know who should date that gorgeous pale piece-of-hunk Alexander Skarsgård: Ms. Diva Extraordinaire Herself, Jennifer Lopez! You are shaking your head probably, but imagine the gossip, the handholding, the gushing about each other on the carpet. And from one gossip lover to another, this dysfunctional-from-the-get-go couple would keep me glued to my screen. He needs a diva like Jenny, a deserving diva, not the little Chihuahua types running around Hollywood. What think you Oh-All-Knowing Diva of gossip? Still adooore your blog after so many years!

Dear Diva Whisperer:
This par-tick paring could be so crazy that it might actually work, doll. And what a match made in Blind Vice heaven it would be! If you're reading this Jenny, stop by the Ralph's on your block and grab some blonde hair dye. Gotta start somewhere.

Dear Ted:
Question about Debbie Doobie: Is she somewhat known for her singing as well as her acting?

Dear Pipes Dream:
Not really, F. She might be able to carry a bit of a tune but it's the acting gigs that made her mug famous.

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