Afternoon Bitch-Back! Why Are PDA-Happy Robsten So Hush-Hush About Their Relationship?

Readers wonder why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart haven’t outright said they’re dating

Dear Ted:
We all know by now that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will never outright say they are together. Although they are majorly increasing their PDAs as of late, I want to know which of them prefers the secrecy more. I seem to remember Kristen talking about Michael Angarano as her BF way back when, so why so quiet when it comes to Rob, especially when everyone knows?
—Jen

Dear Shhh:
All the better to torture us crazy Robsteners, my dear. Imagine what would happen if they actually came out of the relationship closet. The apocalypse may just come early. As for the secrecy surrounding them, R and K are both pretty quiet about their private life. But I'm thinking Kristen is the most in favor of keeping it quiet, think on that one for a bit.

Dear Ted:
You mentioned that Alex Skarsgård's Vice isn't that Vicey, but is illegal. Besides Alex, how many other True Blood Vicers are there and are their Vices just sexy or illegal, too?
—S

RELATED: Alexander Skarsgård Sinks His Teeth Into New Anti-Bullying PSA

Dear T.B. Debauchery:
Well anything that cast does is going to be sexy, right? But A.Skars is definitely not the only one who likes to take an occasional (OK, regular) walk on the wild side.

Dear Ted:
Since Rupert Murdoch obviously has bigger fish to fry, where do the Glee kids turn for support? I mean I doubt they turned to Murdoch but does anyone care about these people?!
—B

Dear Gunning for the Gleeks:
Obviously, the fans! Devoted Gleeks seem like they're the only ones who give a rat's ass about the New Directions anymore. But deep, deep down, Ryan Murphy probably has their best interests at heart. I hope.

Dear Ted:
You've said before that K.Stew had her eye on another guy before Rob. Was he another guy on set? And why didn't it happen? I can't imagine anyone would turn her down...I mean seriously.
—Elle

Dear Pre-Pattinson:
It's hard to imagine a time before Robsten isn't it? Well, the young lad in question is probably ruing the day that he didn't make a move.

Dear Ted:
I enjoy the Blind Vice guessing you torture us with! I have a question about Strippa Rip-Ya and Caesar Anchovy-Arse: Are they undergoing a divorce just now? My rescue kitties Lizzie and Ollie would love to know.
—Carmel in Minnesota

Dear Not to the Rescue:
Let's just say they're having their toughest time ever.