Teen Mom Recap: Barney Is Damaging My Calm!

It is a stressful time for our young mothers, but making matters worse—much, much worse—is a fuzzy purple and green dinosaur

By Drusilla Moorhouse Jul 27, 2011 5:06 AMTags
Farrah Abraham, Barney The Dinosaur, Teen MomTheo Wargo/Wireimage; PBS

It is a stressful time for our Teen Moms, and they need the support of their families more than ever.

Making matters worse—much, much worse—is a fuzzy purple and green dinosaur.

"You and your damn Barney talk, Mom," Farrah shrieks as the doting grandmother tries to relate a cute story about baby Sophia and the cheerful T-Rex. "Why do I want to talk about a Barney? That doesn't calm me down."

Granted, Farrah was en route to the courthouse to confront Sophia's paternal grandmother, suing for visitation rights even though she's never expressed much interest in a relationship with Sophia. The case was dismissed, so MTV will have to manufacture drama for Farrah another way.

Could this be the end of the Grieving for Derek storyline? While it is undeniably sad that Sophia will never get a chance to know her father, Farrah's melodramatic mourning for her baby daddy is starting to seem disingenuous, especially to those of us who watched her first in 16 and Pregnant. (Recap: Farrah didn't even tell Derek she was pregnant and cut him out of her life—even getting a new phone so he couldn't call her—and dated other guys during her pregnancy; Derek was killed shortly before Sophia was born.)

Most people in Farrah's situation would welcome "a Barney" into their lives, but instead she finds the friendly dinosaur upsetting. Maybe she's jealous because unlike Farrah, Barney actually has friends?

Fortunately, Amber has a friend to console her during her own troubles—she left Gary and is being investigated by the police and child protective services. Unfortunately, like Amber, her friend is orange. Whether it's due to tanning beds, self-tanning lotion or Mary Kay cosmetics, the two girls so closely resemble Oompa-Loompas that it's impossible to pay attention to their serious discussions—their voices are drowned out by the chorus of "Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do, I have a perfect puzzle for you" playing inside our heads.

But something serious is happening: Gary changed his shirt. After sporting a few of his body-hugging (and oh, what a body) Aéropostale Athletics T-shirts, G breaks out the old Belden Lineman Camp tee. Don't remember it? You should: Gary was wearing the same figure-unflattering shirt during Amber's infamous beatdown. Considering his apparent endorsement deal with Aéro, this retro wardrobe choice seems a little too calculated.

Not doing any calculating at all, apparently, is Maci, who learned from her school counselor that she flunked both algebra and communications. Two questions: Isn't communications her major? And: What the hell is she doing? Last we checked, girlfriend didn't even have a job—yet she can afford a $1,000/month condo in Chattanooga, where she's returning to focus on her studies. However she's drawing an income, boyfriend Kyle sure shouldn't worry about quitting his Nashville job to join her.

At the rate Maci's going, teen stepsiblings Catelynn and Tyler are going to graduate college before she does. In their new apartment and away from her mother's unpredictable and often cruel behavior, Catelynn is thriving, doing her homework (!!!) and, with Tyler, encouraging their parents to join them in counseling.

April is surprisingly agreeable—and so is her hubby, Butch, the breakout star of Teen Mom 3. A no-contact order prohibits the spouses from seeing each other, but their kids are getting plenty of Butch time—even taking the man and his mullet to lunch outside his halfway house. He gave back with a little insight derived from his "30-plus years of rehab": "You can't do it for nobody [else]—my kids, my truck, my grandmother." At least he has his priorities straight. But what about Barney?