True Blood, Stephen Moyer

John P. Johnson/HBO

SPOILER ALERT! This contains info about tonight's episode, so don't read if you haven't watched and don't say we didn't warn you!

Crafty, Alan Ball, very crafty.

The True Blood season premiere reveals that Sookie's fairy world turns out to be effed up, but after 15 fairy minutes (or one quick human year) she manages to escape with her grandfather who's been missing for 20 years. And who promptly dies.

That sucks, but it makes for an awesome premiere episode ‘cause the characters are all over the place now. Here's what us wannabe fangbangers loved (and hated):

OMG, of course we love love loved Tara-turned-Tony! Our absolute favoritest character development, hands down. She got the hell out of Bon Temps with a new name and a new girlfriend. Basically, she's badass now. Plus she has the only sex scene of the episode. Which reminds us…

We hated that Tara/Tony has the only sex scene of the episode. Unacceptable. Now that Eric "owns" Sookie, they need to get it on, pronto.

As for Sookie's brother, the cop, it's pretty damn cute that Jason's all grown up and lookin' out for his baby sis, his boss and all the were-jaguar kids. We just can't believe it. Although he's trapped in an icebox right now, so that poses a bit of a problem.

Our only complaint is that he could still hang around sans cop-shirt a little more often. You can still be eye-candy, mature J!

Another character that could majorly beef up on the eye-candy is the head witch. Just ain't feeling her, yet. She's too old and not sexy at all (which is so not TB), and it feels like she's stolen straight from Harry Potter.

Oh wait, she kind of is.

Still, totally digging all these different supernatural forces thrown into the mix, and how the vamp world is cleaning up the mess that Russell made with their public relations.

So until next time, fellow fangbangers, when our favorite villain Russell comes back and when Sookie and Eric do the deed!…Hopefully?

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