Olivia Wilde, Bradley Cooper

Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images; Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Dear Ted;
Please tell me Olivia Wilde does not have a Blind Vice. She seems so nice. Is she really like that on set? Also, who is she dating? She has been seen with Ryan Gosling, Justin Timberlake and Bradley Cooper. I don't like Ryan or Justin, so I would love to see her with Bradley.

Dear Wildeing Out:
Just 'cause certain celebs have Vices doesn't mean they're not nice—Cruella St. Shackles as an obvious exception. Don't be so harsh on our Vice stars—we still heart ‘em. Well, most of them, at least. As for O's many rumored romances, well, she isn't exactly getting serious with anyone right now—but Bradley would be your best bet.

Dear Ted:
I think King Schlong is Bradley Cooper. With his size 14 shoe, I think he fits the bill!

RELATED: Are Bradley Cooper and Olivia Wilde Nursing Hangovers Together?

Dear The Coop Scoop:
While the two definitely have a few things in common, Brad-boy is not our kinky King. Bradley was Vicing way before we caught a whiff on Schlong's dubious deeds. Nice try though, babe.

Dear Ted:
Many, many, many high fives for quitting smoking! Cinnamon candy and gum really helped me kick the habit, and I still grab a box of Hot Tamales when a craving strikes. It's a tough addiction to beat. What has Cass Stimulatia been up to? Any luck with her mommy dreams or has she given up?

Dear Lip Smacker:
I'm definitely having better luck with the cigs than Cass is with her maternal issues. Sadly, things haven't improved too much for her in that regard. Thanks for the well wishes, doll. My apartment sprung a leak this week and I'm still smoke free—imagine that!

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Selena Gomez's "exhaustion"? Isn't that usually code for something else? How is it that we mere mortals can go through life and never be hospitalized for that reason?

Dear Hawaiian Heat:
Wouldn't you be exhausted if you and your mega-star tweenie bopper BF were frolicking around the globe, necking each other at every chance you get for the pesky paparazzi. Really tho, it would exhaust me just being around Biebs for extended periods of time. But that's about as scandalous as this sitch is.

Dear Ted:
I need your take on this: Dianna Agron wears a shirt on the Glee tour that says "Likes Girls" and then goes to her blog to proclaim that she's not gay but merely supportive of gay rights. I get what she's trying to do and think it's very cool, but come on. I don't know any straight people, all of whom are very supportive and accepting, that would wear a shirt saying they like the same sex. What say you—peeking out from around the closet door one T-shirt at a time?

Dear Bi-Curious:
Wouldn't that just make all those Achele fans go cuckoo crazy? But sadly, Dianna is just a sweet gal who wanted to make a big splash in support of the gay community—and did it in a bold way that maybe few people would do (which is why I dug it so much). You're more likely to see Rachel and Quinn get it on in the choir room than their real-life counterparts. Especially these days.

Dear Ted:
As pathetic as it is, I still pine for a Scarlett Johansson-Ryan Reynolds reunion. I know the chances of this are about as good as the chances of Butter Pussy coming out to the world, so throw me and my goss-lovin' rescue dog, Chloe, a bone: Do Scarlett or Ryan have B.V.s?

Dear Divorce Blues:
S.J. and R.R. were an über-hot couple—maybe too hot—so we're all still feeling a bit misty that they couldn't make it work. But that is one relaysh that won't be having a rendezvous anytime soon. As for their Vices, neither had one when they wed. So that's good to know, right Sash?

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