Now here's an attention-getting introduction: "I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today."
That was part of the opening remarks Conan O'Brien gave to the graduating class of Dartmouth today during his commencement speech, but he wasn't referring to The Tonight Show debacle. He was talking about the fact that President George H.W. Bush, the WWII vet, onetime CIA chief and former leader of the free world—a man Conan correctly called a "decorated war hero"—was there to receive an honorary degree, but the funny guy from TV was the one giving the big speech.
However, Conan took his gig seriously, speaking out about his failure as The Tonight Show host, and reminded the students "No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you."
Of course, the comedian brought the laughs as well, comparing Dartmouth to fellow Ivy League schools Harvard and Yale as "the cool, sexually confident, lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest." Watch the highlights above, and you can read the entire speech on Dartmouth's website.