If you're reading this, you're either one of the saved, ensconsed on a cloud in heaven eating Pringles Extreme Kickin' Cheddar chips for eternity and never getting fat, or the apocalypse didn't happen. Either way, enjoy the best of last week's Soup!

1. Dancing With the Stars: At this stage, judge Bruno's flair for drama is practically ho-hum, but the yawning stopped when the feisty Italian put a bee in Karina Smirnoff's bonnet after remarking on something in her pants. Hint: It doesn't purr.

Four more to go, kids!

2. Sister Wives: Kody Brown and his wifepack have to leave their beloved Utah. So where do you go when so many people feel you're breaking commonly held religious views on marriage? Sin City, baby!

3. Real Housewives of New Jersey: Joe and Melissa Gorga are the latest addition to the RHONJ spectrum of Garden State talent, and they enjoy foot sucking. Next question?

4. Strange Sex: Some people may think they need a hole in the penis like they need a hole in the head. Not the people on Strange Sex, however.

5. Ghost Adventures: How do you know when ghosts may be afoot? When you find a bone in the basement. And if it's a chicken bone, so what? Like chickens don't have troubled souls that walk the earth, refusing to go into the light. Come on.

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