Afternoon Bitch-Back! Why Do Leo and Blake Look So Fake?

Since the two superstars have been hanging, readers are doubtful

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or does this Leo DiCaprio and Blake Lively thing look a little suspect? I actually like both stars but it feels forced for the cameras. Thoughts? You are the best! Congrats on quitting smoking—stay with it!
—Mark

Dear Yachts Up!
Oh, I don't doubt the chemistry is red hot between Blake and Leo, ya know, if they're not just "friends" or whatever. Keep in mind, B doesn't exactly hate the paparazzi attention, so maybe she's the one forcing L out of his photophobic shell. And thanks for the support—12 days today!

Dear Ted:
What is going on with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart?!?! Are they really breaking up?!?!? Hope not.
—RF

Dear Spazz-Mattaz:
If you get this worked up over every rumor, hon, you're not going to live to see the two tie the knot on the big screen. So take three deep breaths as I say: All is quiet on the Robsten front. Just rumors per usual.

Dear Ted:
I just watched the preview for Abduction starring Taylor Lautner, and it looks really good. Forgive me, Twi-hards, but is it possible this kid may have a brighter future than his Twilight costars?
—KLines

Dear Twi-Tournament:
It all depends what you consider a bright future, babe. Tay certainly has his career set in this town, and I support his choice in Tom Cruise-esque action flicks while his costars are off doing the drama stuff—but just wait until you hear the movie T.L. was dying to be cast in next. Total WTF. More on that later.

Dear Ted:
The issue of gay athletes is garnering a lot of press due to Kobe Bryant's in-game slur, Roger McDowell's insulting fans at a Giants game, the Sean Avery Twitter fiasco and Rick Welts' coming out announcement in Sunday's N.Y. Times. Some commentators have expressed the belief that Welts' announcement will not advance the acceptance of openly gay athletes; rather a player must come out in order to break the barrier. Naturally this has piqued my curiosity of which athletes could come out. You've given us dish on philandering athletes. Any chance you know of a pro athlete doing their best Butter Pussy or Fey Oiled-Tush impression?
—RC

Dear Great Question:
In a word? No. Not a man, at least. Funny how much pro sports is just like the movie biz: it's all about appearing full of hetero machismo, when in the locker-room, well, it's often a very different story. American fans can be so gullible it's pathetic.

Dear Ted:
What is the deal with George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis. Most say splitsville for a while! Need details!
—XO

Dear Sayonara Sister:
Despite G..C personally saying otherwise, I've got my doubts, too. Paparazzi photo shoots on the beach, mystery meetings in London, gossip galore? Something is definitely up with these two, and I don't think it's looking good.

Dear Ted:
When I learned of this I couldn't wait to hear your take! Nick Jonas and Delta Goodrem. What the heck? I mean c'mon, she's a 26-year-old woman! Is she really interested in this 18-year-old guy besides the obvious reasons? I mean of course it's not serious, but whatever their reason for getting together, do you think the reason is mutual for them both?
—Jia

Dear Cradle Robber:
He's a JoBro. Does she need any other reason besides fame, tabloid covers and a barely legal teen hunk?

Dear Ted:
Does King Schlong's girl have a Blind Vice moniker of her own? Does the L.A. party chick he shagged?
—Dave

Dear Penis Envy:
No and no. Just because you play with the B.V. big boys doesn't mean you've made a name for yourself too. Though, to be fair, the King has bedded a couple of Blind babes in his day.

Dear Ted:
What's the real scoop on Britney these days? In her latest music video, I'm glad we can see some life in her eyes (finally). Is she OK now? I want to believe that she is, but something in my gut tells me that she's still not completely where she needs to be. I really, really hope I am wrong.
—Kristina

Dear Psych Eval:
It's always another day, another drama with this dame. And though she's still got her issues, she's continuing to get better (and look better too!). It's a process, just hope she's eventually ready ditch a few of the losers she calls her friends.