Adam Rose/FOXHoly Groff! It's like the writers over at Glee said to themselves, "Well, since the first episode back didn't really have anything exciting, we should shove all the good stuff into the episode after!" And boy, did they.
"Born This Way" was not only an extra-long episode of Glee, it was also full of revelations, flashy numbers, and scenes that covered pretty much every fan-favorite pairing. Since this was a super-sized episode, you know I had to write a super-sized Glee-Dux! Plus, I got some goods on what's going down up in New York City…
WHAT WE LEARNED:
Santana Is My New Star: She usually has one or two quotes in my One-Liners sections, and ever since "Sexy," I've been totally on the Naya Rivera train. This episode just cemented my love for her. The insult spew in the beginning of the episode was awesomely mean, and her inner monologue is often more entertaining than other characters' outer monologues. I also loved hearing that winning Nationals is a big deal to her, which is a far cry from joining the glee club in the first place as a spy for Sue. Oh, how she has grown. Brings a tear to my eye. Wait, no. That's just sweat from the exertion caused by trying to keep track of Quinn's mood swings
Finn and Rachel Finally Get Un-Boring: I'm sorry, I love Finn and Rachel as individuals very much. But together, they were often dullsville. Until this episode. First, Finn hits her in the nose and then is kind enough to escort her to the doctor. And when he told Rachel in front of the entire glee club that she was beautiful, I actually started to miss them as a couple. Too bad glee club includes his girlfriend, who looked pissed to say the least. Plus, Quinn yells at Finn because they were fighting about Rachel "once again." Makes you wonder just how often they fight about her. And was it just me, or was Finn's number with Harry Shum Jr. the best Cory Monteith has sounded in quite some time? The vocals sounded a bit smoother than previous solos. Stay adorable, C.M.
Emma and Will Continue to Be Precious Human Beings: Will going to Emma for help and advice was very reminiscent of season one, so I approve of those scenes. Mr. Schue came down hard on Emma about her anxiety and OCD, which used to be a running joke, but now has been made into a full-fledged plot point. Still, if it leads to Will cleaning grapes with Emma, I am OK with her OCD being front and center. And before you can say "enough product to season a wok," I'm officially a Wemma shipper. Who knew? At least Emma is getting some help, and that could only mean good things for Will and Emma's future as couple
Hell Yes, Burt Hummel: That confrontation between fathers, sons, principal and teacher about the bullying was all kinds of wonderful, mostly because of Mike O'Malley's continuing flawlessness as Kurt's father. I wish I could put that entire scene in a little box and carry it with me wherever I go, so when I want to get some goosebumps, I can just whip it out. Bam! Insta-goosebumps. When Finn said he was "one step ahead" of Burt when it came to protecting Kurt…well, I don't have enough Word document to type all my love for this scene. Especially because it led to…
Kurt Hummel Is Back at McKinley: Finally, the rosy-cheeked boy that stole our hearts has returned to his old stomping grounds. And he certainly got the welcome back/goodbye celebration he deserved. Also, Blaine saying that he has Kurt after school and on weekends was a sweet little wink to their couple-ness, and my fellow Klaine fans had to smile at that right? Cheers, everyone. Kurt has "come home at last!" And just in time, because only he could arrange a "Barbravention" to encourage Rachel to keep her original nose.
We Miss You, Sue: Glee just isn't the same without at least one Jane Lynch outburst. And that's all I have to say about that.
Rachel and Quinn Need to be BFFs: It's hard for me to hate Quinn for being so beautiful and knowing it, because I personally have a crazy girl crush on Dianna Agron. She is that gorgeous. Lea Michele and Dianna had my favorite number of the episode. "Unpretty/I Feel Pretty" was one of the best duets I've seen in a long time. We also discovered they sit next to each other in at least once class. Who else hopes they are sliding intricately folded notes to each other? WBS!
The Race for Prom Queen Heats Up: Lauren vs. Quinn: The battle is on! Who would you vote for? I'm actually shocked that Rachel didn't throw her tiara in the ring, since she is so set on school diva domination. Especially since I have now picked her running mate: Puck. How cute were those two in this episode? Lea and Mark Salling sizzle onscreen. I'm not sure what it is about them, but I definitely would get on board with this couple should they happen again.
Santana's Club Members Wear Berets: Seriously, what was up with those heinous outfits that Bully Whip members must wear? I'd simply overlook them because of the duty the club would be serving to the school, except for that fact that it's all a lie! Who else was crushed by the crestfallen look on Brittany's face when Santana grabbed Dave's hand? At least we got a Slushie-remix from past episodes. I thoroughly enjoyed that.
Quinn's Secret Past Is Revealed: The perfect blonde used to be someone called "Lucy Caboosey!" Wow, kudos to Lauren for digging up that bit of info on Quinn. It's very interesting, indeed. Necessary? Before you say no, think about this: Quinn's past explains pretty much every mean thing she's done. Torturing people less pretty than her. Wanting to destroy anyone who came between her and staying on top. The whole nose job thing. At least we know why she's an evil troll. Will she stop now that she's been found out? Only writers time will tell. Speaking of the writers: They need to keep this Lauren and Quinn friendship going, because it's pretty awesome.
Brittana Keeps Breaking Our Heart: Ugh. Another heart-wrenching hallway scene between Santana and Brittany. This time, it was the dumb blonde who was feeling smarted. Why can't these two figure it out?! I'm not going to lie, I honestly thought Santana would run out in the middle of the "Born This Way" performance to dance with her ladylove wearing the "Lebanese" shirt. Sadly, I was brutally rebuffed. Clueless reference? Don't mind if I do!
It's T-Shirt Time: Sorry about the Jersey Shore reference, I couldn't stop it. We learned a lot from the "Born This Way" number, besides that Glee can still bring it when it comes to episode-ending numbers. We also learned that Will is self-conscious about his butt chin, Mike accepts that he can't sing and Mercedes doesn't wear a weave. Way to go, New Directions! Fans are now flocking to buy the T-shirts that their favorite characters wore. Ka-ching.
Rewind Moment: Mike Chang performing a dance step, and then motioning for Finn to mimic it. He fails and flails horribly.
One-Liners:
"Who you are inside and who you pretend to be to the rest of the world? They're two different people."—Lauren
"I'm sure that Sam has been at the doctor's office and riffled through pamphlets on mouth reductions. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not really using them anyway. And I'm definitely sure Tina has looked into eye de-slanting."—Santana
"People say that I smell like copper."—Emma
"Baby, you're gonna get that crown. And I'm gonna be your king."—Puck
"The only straight I am is straight-up bitch."—Santana
"I'll never say goodbye to you."—Kurt to Blaine
WHAT LIES AHEAD
Let's Hear It for New York: How awesome are those photos of the cast that keep pouring in from on location shooting? If you haven't seen these photos, please tell me the address of the rock you've been living under and I'll bring them to you personally. My NYC spies are telling me that some very interesting things have been witnessed on the Finchel front, as made apparent by some of the recent photos. We told you Finn and Rachel were acting awfully chummy while shooting scenes in yesterday's Spoiler Chat, and from what I hear…it's continuing. Perhaps Finn and Rachel reconcile before Nationals? Or do you think the rush of competition brings them together again, à la the season-one finale?
Prom Pickle Resolved: Since Darren Criss told us that prom reshoots would really suck, we can only imagine between a crazy shoot schedule in NYC and the tour preparations, there won't be much time for the cast to breathe, let alone go in and reshoot scenes. Those prom spoilers that leaked? Probably not changing anytime soon. Good news or bad news for you guys?
Brittana Gets a Break: Next week's episode, titled "Rumors," might be the dart of hope to shoot directly into the hearts of Brittany-Santana fans everywhere. I can't promise it'll be kiss and makeup, but I can definitely promise some much-needed interaction.
The Opposite of Finchel Re-Emerges: Well, I guess the opposite of Finchel would be just Rachel, but my point is that Puck and Rachel will have some scenes together quite soon. And while I don't think the point is for them to reignite any former fire, it certainly feels that way with the amount of chemistry Lea and Mark have.
Another Death: Yes, the gang has shot a scene for an upcoming episode on location at a funeral parlor. But what I find most interesting about this fact is those who attended this funeral. It's the usual suspects…plus Sue Sylvester. Now, who could be kicking the bucket that would lead to the Cheerios coach to zip up her nicest black track suit?
What did you all think of tonight's superextended-extra-long-Gaga-themed celebration of acceptance? If you were to make a T-shirt like the glee kids did, what would yours say? Mine would say "Imagined Relationships With Celebrities," just in case you were wondering. Head down to the comments and let's talk "Born This Way!"