Kristen Stewart is not in Water for Elephants, so it was especially sweet of her to accompany Robert Pattinson to the premiere of his new film.
Could the week have started off any better?
Yes, actually. Nicolas Cage was arrested, supposedly after fighting with his wife about whether the house they were standing in front of was theirs. I don't know, does that beat a Robsten kiss?
CAGE MATCH: Yes, because Duane "Dog" Chapman, aka Dog the Bounty Hunter, posted his kooky pal's bond.
TWIHARD: Rob, fresh from his K.Stew smooch, admitted that the Twilight Saga cast was pretty worn out by the time production wrapped on Breaking Dawn. But although he's so obviously ready to move on, R.Pattz knows where his bread is buttered.
THIS AGAIN: Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 120 days in jail for violating her probation (if people had to stay in jail for the duration of their sentence the first time, would all the probation violation in the world still happen?) and, even though she may already be out by the time you read this, she's still got 480 hours of nonnegotiable community service to look forward to. Not all was lost, however, during a double-threat hearing to weigh evidence against her in her necklace-theft case and rule on her probation status. The judge, though she isn't sure whether Lindsay is crafty or ridiculous, bumped Lohan's felony charge down to a misdemeanor. We believe Charlie Sheen would call that winning.
ROCK ON: Music fans and scenesters alike descended on the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival by the thousands last weekend for a rockin' good time. While it wasn't hot enough to fry an egg, it was more than hot enough to melt white chocolate, as Vanessa Hudgens so proficiently demonstrated. On the flip side, Lea Michele was making her own ice cubes.
WEDDING BELLS: LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are officially married, the air nice and clear after LeAnn admitted to not hooking up with Eddie in the most respectable of ways. "It got really messy," she said....Two of Leeza Gibbons' kids officiated when she tied the knot with Steve Fenton...
ENGAGEMENT RING: Amy Smart plans to tie the knot with DIY hunk Carter Oosterhouse, of HGTV's Carter Can. And he will!
BABY BOOM: Jane Krakowski and fiancé Robert Godley welcomed their first child, son Bennett...Shayne Lamas and hubby Nik Richie are expecting their first...The bumps hit the boulevard...Johnny Knoxville and wife Naomi are expecting their second, and his third...Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka's twins are about as cute as can be...Owen Wilson makes sure son Robert Ford has full UV protection.
BORN THIS WAY?: Lady Gaga, of all people, should be a little more savvy when it comes to the index of unacceptable slurs. She let the word "retarded" fly in reference to the Madonna-rip-off accusations against her and, after the world got wind of it, she was back on the horn apologizing for not speaking "thoughtfully." The folks at the Special Olympics accepted because they're tolerant that way...Speaking of which, Gaga was again redeemed when it came out that it was her manager who was objecting to Weird Al Yankovic's earnest request to spoof "Born This Way," and not the pop star...If only she hadn't almost fallen down again.
OPENING UP: Former Sonny With a Chance star Demi Lovato revealed she was newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she checked into treatment last year...Halle Berry doesn't seem to think Gabriel Aubry is so bad anymore...Catherine Zeta-Jones also hopes that she encouraged others to get help by going public with her condition...Kara DioGuardi's new memoir reveals a number of painful personal secrets.
WINNING OFF THE HANDLE: Charlie Sheen doesn't know whether he'll get his day in court against Warner Bros., but he's not getting sole custody of his kids anytime soon...Then he matched the funds raised through the Toronto charity walk he organized to donate to the Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorders, a Canadian group...So, was his largesse the reason he was treated to a now-under-investigation motorcade when he arrived in Washington, D.C.?
HE SPEAKS: Minus handshakes and hellos at The Beaver premiere, Mel Gibson gave his first big interview since the second time he ruined his career (dumbassery caught on tape, not in a sheriff's report). He sounded rather pulled together, saying doesn't care if he acts again—although he is working with the guy who wrote Braveheart on something new—and that he just wants to keep it together for his family.
ON THIS DATE: Kim Kardashian and her siblings gave a shout-out to Kris and Bruce Jenner on their 20th wedding anniversary and, on a more sober note, Kim blogged about the importance of officially recognizing the early 20th-century Armenian Genocide, in light of Genocide Remembrance Day on April 24. Ball's in your court Obama.
WEIGHT A MINUTE: Khloé Kardashian Odom is sick of being criticized for being a perfectly normal size 6—especially when mom Kris is doing the criticizing...On a brighter note, she'll be guest-starring on Law & Order: Los Angeles!
FEUDAL TIMES: Donald Trump isn't laughing at Jerry Seinfeld and Seinfeld thinks Trump is a big joke...Sarah Shahi isn't a fan of almost getting into accidents with Paris Hilton. She also kind of loathes Paris Hilton...Mickey Rourke takes the Megan Fox s--t back...Kings of Leon frontman Caleb Followill sticks a fork in the Glee beef.
TEEN MAMA DRAMA: Sadly, Leah Messer and Corey Simms couldn't make it work and are divorcing...Police had to pay a visit to burgeoning Sixteen and Pregnant superstar Jennifer Del Rio because she was allegedly beating up on her baby daddy...Could Jenelle Evans be regretting exposing her life on Teen Mom 2.
ROMANCE ROUNDUP: In most universes, Brad Womack and Emily Maynard's relationship is as good as over, but none other than Emily's mom reveals that it's still kinda off and on. Surely there's nothing a mom and grandma likes to admit more about her beautiful and otherwise eligible daughter...Emma Roberts and Chord Overstreet reportedly put on quite the show at Coachella.
LAW & DISORDER: Police are investigating death threats against little Rebecca Black...Autopsy photos of Michael Jackson and footage of his This Is It rehearsals will be shown to the jury during Dr. Conrad Murray's manslaughter trial...Keith Richards' daughter Theodora was slapped on the wrist...Steven Soderbergh settled up with his Australian extramarital baby mama...American Idol contestant Jacob Lusk successfully got out of probation early with the ole "Please, judge, I must pursue my dream!" excuse...Paz de la Huerta sued over her allegedly criminal party foul...Kara DioGuardi sued over a car wreck she wasn't even in...Paul Michael Glaser restrains a super fan...Several members of the Happy Days cast (not Richie or the Fonz) are suing CBS...No DUI charges for Christina Aguilera's beau Matthew Rutler.
AILING: Gary Busey's 1-year-old son Luke was hospitalized for an undisclosed childhood illness...Teri Hatcher confirmed that she's suffering from Frozen Shoulder, which, as it sounds, has caused her to lose most of the mobility in her left arm. She's been undergoing physical therapy and other medical treatments and considering surgery, but is also training for a triathalon. Doesn't sound like she's let desperation get the best of her...Ali Fedotowsky needed five staples in her head after a kayaking accident.
FAREWELLS: Oscar-nominated Restrepo codirector Tim Hetherington was killed during an as-yet undetailed incident along with photojournalist Chris Hondros while covering the turmoil in Libya...TV on the Radio bassist Gerard Smith lost his battle with lung cancer at 36...Tim Robbins' parents, singer-actor Gil and musician Mary, passed away within 12 days of each other...Dr. Who star Elisabeth Sladen died of cancer at 63.