Charlie Sheen

Miguel Aguilar/Sam Sharma,

During a performance in Columbus, Ohio, while on his embarrassing and misnamed "Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour, Charlie Sheen's humor took a turn for the foul, per usual.

Most of us have unwillingly become acquainted with Sheen's free-falling and frisky lifestyle, along with the two chicks he calls his goddesses, Natalie Kenly and porn star Bree Olsen.

Of course, Charlie couldn't resist making one vom-worthy suggestion for his next goddess:

Black Swan beaut Mila Kunis.

The thought of her anywhere near the warlording mess of a man makes us cringe. Mila's way too talented, intelligent, and um, good for all that. Still, Sheen—delusional as always—extended an offer for the position.

"Here's the good news—my goddesses have already f--king approved her. She's pre-approved! I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f--king Kunis: If Mila Kunis is stealing your s--t , trust me, you're still f--king winning, you're still winning at that moment."

As if Kunis would pass up hunky and newly single costar Justin Timberlake to take a dip in the looney pool with Charlie and his hos!

Then again, if Justin is really heating things up with Olivia Wilde despite all the rep nay-saying, and Mila's nickname on the Black Swan set was "Sweet Lips," could this be an epically disgusting possibility?

No. Not even if Charlie was the last schlong on the planet.

J.T. lovin' or not, Sheen didn't stop there with his Mila-obsessing. He ranted on like a dedicated stalker:

"I'm going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes. I'm going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super f--king hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we have a warehouse full of your favorite s--t to steal."

We're guessing all this eluding to missing items and stealing is an indirect jab at rightfully dognapping ex-wife, and our fave tweeter, Denise Richards.

Anyways, after all the f-bombs and reiteration of Mila's name over and over, we're guessing the young actress will, like most of the rest of the world, take the higher road and ignore this ridiculous request.

But, if you're really desperate Charlie, we bet Miley Cyrus is totally down!

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