Charlie Sheen


Dear Ted:
I've always liked Charlie Sheen, and never been much of a Denise Richards fan. But is it true he starved that poor dog to death? That is unforgivable!

Dear Rightful Dognapper:
Hallelujah, for people like Denise! The rumor is that his ex-wife removed two of her dogs from Charlie's care and that the kook is pretty ticked off. Really, the sheer fact that he immediately turned to tweeting about it angrily just proves all he cares about is attention. We are beyond relieved that Denise took action and saved the doggies because we feel even if he wasn't disgustingly starving them, they were definitely not in the best hands.

Dear Ted:
Don't you think Robert Pattinson's onscreen love Sarah Gadon looks a lot like Glee's Dianna Agron? I'm also dying to know if you have any hot gossip on Australian cutie Alex O'Loughlin?

Dear Look-Alikes:
I can see the resemblance. But personally, I feel Dianna's got a little more spunk. Or maybe it's just her character on Glee. We are just real excited to see if Sarah pans out to be a way better actress than Dianna, especially since she is acting alongside Robert Pattinson. As for that other male hottie, he is busy with the remake of Hawaii Five-0 for now. Don't you hate when those babes are all work and no play? Also, he's been pretty shy when I've met him. I really don't think he's a player. But jeez, he is Australian. It's in their damn blood.

Dear Ted:
Did you see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at The Kennedys premiere? They looked awful—wrinkly clothes, untucked and sloppy. What is going on with them?

Dear 'Til Death Do They Part:
I mean, they are definitely one of those couples that starts looking like each other. But I gotta say that Katie looks a tad better, as usual. Tom's just such an attention-hungry nugget. Looking at the pictures from the premiere, you can tell he is just peeved that he was not Kennedy-worthy. Only in his wildest, contracted dreams!

Dear Ted:
Robert Pattinson would make a delicious Finnick Odair in The Hunger Games movies, no?

Dear Yeah Right:
Over his dead vampire body will he agree to that! Pretty sure we are all getting the anti-sci-fi vibe from Rob for at least a while. The dude is trying to branch out and The Hunger Games would just leave him trapped in fairy tale land for the rest of his acting career. He knows what's up, please.

Dear Ted:
Just wondering about the fab Aaron Eckhart. Is he still dating Molly Sims?

Dear Wondering:
Join the friggin' club. Everyone has been wondering what their deal has been for a few years now. Pretty sure they are still sticking to that "just friends" story. But let's be real, no one cuddles with their BFF in public for three-plus years. I wish they would exclusively date, or at least fess up to wanting it.

Dear Ted:
So, the massive Breaking Dawn pic leak. A clever marketing ploy, or is someone getting fired? Either way, this has totally pumped me up for B.D. in November.

Dear Smart Cookie:
A little bit of both, we're sure. But how hot were they? Whoever did leak them should get a promotion if anything. Because, honestly, about a hundred thousand more people are down to see the flick after those titillating sex scene pictures. Can't wait!

Dear Ted:
Do you think that Courteney Cox and David Arquette will ever get back together.

Dear Redo or What:
Court has spilled to magazines that she still loves and respects David. How? I sure as hell don't know. But the fact that she is not bashing him or refusing to answer any questions about him shows some serious maturity, as well as potential pondering. We may see these two stupidly get back together. Even though I think she could do way better. You can't control who you love, huh? Sucks.

Dear Ted:
Well, R.Pattz has done it. Won me over. I just hope it's not a bunch of Hollywood crapola! This couple reminds me so much of the Liz Taylor/Richard Burton romance. Sigh. Those were the days...

Dear Romance Showmance:
Totally disagree. Robsten's all about chill. Tayburt was anything but.

Dear Ted:
Is King Schlong Matthew McConaughey?

Dear Over and Over Again:
Guaranteed, I get this guess once a day for Schlong, and I have definitely nayed it a few times, so here it goes. Nay. Keep guessing!

Dear Ted:
Why do I get the feeling you're afraid of Marty Singer?

Dear Call My Bluff:
You probably get that feeling because everyone is afraid of Marty. Even lawyers are scared to death of the man. But I'm above it, and you should know that. Plus, I pity him. He has got some of the most deranged clients in the world. Bet he'll make billions off Charlie alone, so, I guess it's worth it.

Dear Ted:
I know it's been a long time, but who are Judas Jack-Off and Dash Dingle-Dream, anyway? I miss you talking about them. I still think they are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, but whatever.
—I Miss JJO and DDD

Dear Keep On Missing:
There is nothing there, and I mean nothing new. And they still aren't your dream couple. Sorry about it. Some day when it hits you, you'll chuckle to yourself, promise.

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