Now that you're back from church, where you were praying furiously for God to make Charlie Sheen say some more crazy s--t, join us for a dip into the best of your week in Soup.

1. The Bachelor: Once the choosing of a life partner is over for most folks, it's all beer on the couch, TV dinners in bed and everlasting passion. Not for Brad Womack, however, who must confront miffed, also-ran Chantal and pretend he still cares. Which is apparently even harder than pretending he cared the first time around.

Four more to go, Soup fiends!

2. Brad Womack: If it's hard for you to imagine Brad—a guy so unstable merely appearing on The Bachelor sent him into major therapy—suddenly becoming a father, you're not alone. It's taxing his imagination to the max, apparently.

3. American Idol: What does it take to fluster Ryan Seacrest? A pretty girl. With an illness.

4. Celebrity Apprentice: Donald Trump is not only an expert at making money. When it comes to biting into women with image issues, he's a real shark. Luckily, Lisa Rinna is perfectly at ease with her surgically mutated lips. Isn't she?

5. The Real Houswives of Orange County: Some guys have to work horrible, dead-end jobs. Slade works for his GF, OC housewife Gretchen, who pays him with sex. Apparently the horrible, dead-end jobs were all taken.

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