He turned out to be well out of harm's way, but Jimmy Kimmel couldn't just experience a tsunami-warning evacuation and not talk about it.

The late-night host, who was forced to evacuate while vacationing on the French Polynesian island of Bora Bora last week, poked fun at himself on his show Monday, noting that he is "not what you would call 'relaxed' when it comes to disaster."

"I don't just crack under pressure, I disintegrate," he joked. "I turn into that stuff that comes out of Pixy Stix."

As Kimmel noted in his detailed Huffington Post essay about his longtime fear of tidal waves, his girlfriend's hot idea to go to Bora Bora and the ultimately uneventful evacuation process, the funnyman was beyond lucky. But there was a catch...

"Not only am I scared of tidal waves, I'm scared of higher ground—I'm scared of heights in general," he said. "But it all turned out to be fine—unless I'm dead right now and this is what hell is like.

"Or heaven," he added. "I don't know.

"But suffice it to say, I will never be doing anything ever again," Kimmel said. "All future vacations will be taken in a military bunker 5,000 feet under the mountains of Idaho."

On a serious note, he then reminded viewers that they can donate $10 to the American Red Cross by texting "REDCROSS" to "90999."

"I'm glad Jimmy's alive. All I kept thinking about was, 'That would be a lot of Nightline,'" remarked guest Ryan Phillippe.

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