Charlie Sheen

Humberto Carreno/

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Sean Penn asking Charlie Sheen to go to Haiti. Really, what can Sheen offer to those poor people except maybe a nice fat check to a legit Haitian charity. The Haitians really don't need the Sheen disaster and the goddesses showing up.

Dear Winning in Haiti:
First, Sean didn't ask Charlie go to Haiti with him. Sheen opened his big mouth (again) and invited himself on Penn's next excursion. And Penn, being the good guy that he is, stood by his friend and supported Charlie's idea. As messed up as it may be, we think a trip to Haiti could be a mini-rehab for Charlie. Trust, the guy needs something to kick him into reality, like seeing how really underpaid people live. Nothing like seeing others less fortunate to get your mind off of something besides your self-involved meltdown. 

Dear Ted:
Obviously someone in Strippa Rip-Ya's camp is spilling about the really awful things going on. So why are her friends squealing to a gossip columnist instead of someone who can actually help (no offense to you, of course)? Why not her family?

Dear Deep Denial:
Strippa's friends have tried to intervene, but the gal is in more denial than ever. Love works in the strangest ways, and Strippa copes by pretending her sitch just doesn't exist. She had better start listening to people in her life who truly care, and soon, because we sense her story will only get worse. 

Dear Ted:
You answered "no" to the question on whether Strippa Rip-Ya and Veronica Bee Stings share a past paramour. Is your definition of a paramour "a lover" or "an adulterous lover"?

Dear Microscope:
Any lover of any definition will do.

Dear Ted:
Still can't get the Scientology story from The New Yorker out of my head. Any fallout that we should know about? Also, does King Schlong have kids? I think I know who it is.

Dear See Ya Scientology:
Peeved as Tom Cruise was in private, he let the "Church" respond—but this battle certainly isn't over yet. Scientology's take? The magazine printed a "stale article containing nothing but rehashed unfound allegations." And the latest? The New York Post claims the FBI is investigating after Haggis' accusations. With so much speculation, drama is sure to unfold in the future. As for King Schlong, no, he doesn't (miraculously).

Dear Ted:
Is Caesar Anchovy-Arse the father of Strippa Rip Ya's children?

Dear Procreation Puzzle:
Unless there's something Strippa's not telling us (which is quite possible), yes.

Dear Ted:
I'm actually pretty impressed by Demi Lovato—seems like she and her team were pretty proactive when she had a problem, unlike some Hollywood enablers (Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, etc.). Plus, it's cool that she's destigmatizing psychiatric help by talking about it. That being said, is Wilmer Valderrama not the skeezy exploiter I thought he was? You seemed pretty positive about him last Bitch-Back.

Dear Lovin' Lovato:
We couldn't agree more. Demi realized she had a problem and took positive steps to heal herself. More power to the girl for speaking out about it, seeing that she is a role model for so many young women. As for Wilmer, he may have been connected to LiLo in the past, but the guy has been great for Demi with Jashley all over the tabloids. We're definitely rooting for Demi, Wilmer and all. 

Dear Ted:
I have been an avid follower for a while now, but I never had the right question to ask. I love your reports on Robsten, so here is my question: Who do you think will be nominated and/or win an Oscar first: Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart? Thanks again for all the gossip!

Dear Rob or Kris?
K.Stew, obviously. I have always said the gal has way more talent than what Twilight shows. Rob is fab too, though, and we can't wait to see him up against Reese Witherspoon in Water For Elephants. They are both great, but need some new material to branch out of their Twilight mold. 

Dear Ted:
Just wondering if anyone has guessed Toothy Tile's identity? Also, I remember you a saying a while back that some of the closeted members of Hollywood tend to jump from beard to beard. Might this include one John Mayer? If so, who cares if he is gay!? How would that tarnish his music career?

Dear Your Body Is a Wonderland:
All I'm saying is that nothing could tarnish John's music career more than his own big mouth. Guy loves being in the spotlight and dishing about his sexual escapades to anyone who will listen. 

Dear Ted:
My rescue pup, Winston, and I love your column, and even more so, your sense of humor! But when you referred to cancer as crap in a response about Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall, I was a little offended. My dad recently died of cancer, and while I know your words were not meant to be offensive, others might not. Believe me, I have cracked my fair share of inappropriate jokes! Quick question(s): How reliable are your sources? Do you confirm everything before you dish the dirt? Just curious because my boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for believing your every word! (Don't worry, I believe! This is just to shut him up!)

Dear Awful Believer:
Trust, all of us on Team Truth always check our sources. We can't disappoint such loyal readers! As for the comment on Hall, it was never meant to offend. We simply meant that people should lay off the gay-straight questions when this guy has been through so much. And listen, my own father died of cancer, so I don't call it crap lightly.

Dear Ted:
If a star, like, say Toothy Tile, decided at some point to come out, what would happen to all the beardy counterparts they've had over the years? Would they be ridiculed or just play dumb?

Dear Good Question:
It's simple. They'd say they never knew.

Dear Ted:
Do you honestly believe Taylor Swift only dates for exposure? I mean, she seemed really into Joe Jonas. Was that all PR? And then she writes all those songs? I don't know what to think, I just feel no one could be that insensitive and still write those beautiful words. And she's a super cute and sweet doll, let's face it.

Dear Swift to Date:
Of course, the gal doesn't plot out every guy she dates simply for PR. All we meant is that Taylor lives her life in the public, and fans love that she will dish about heartbreak in high-profile relationships. A townie from Nashville doesn't make a breakup song like "Dear John." Get it?

Dear Ted:
Thank you
for mentioning Judas Jack-Off. He's one of my favorite Vices, and I must admit I'm a bit jealous that the Twi-hards get daily updates even when there's non-news and those of us more interested in other celebs have to wait for months at times. Would it be too greedy if I ask you to toss in a status update on Judas' jilted guy. What's Dashed Dingle-Dream been up to?

Dear Dashed Hopes:
He's seriously trying to stay low...idiot, idiot, idiot.

Dear Ted:
Why does it seem that the media has a need to bash Leighton Meister as they are praising Blake Lively? Can't we like both? Or are we supposed to dislike one?

Dear Gossip Duo:
Can't speak for everyone, but we adore both Blake and Leighton. The reason why they are bashed separately? People want them to hate each other because that creates great goss, but these beauties just aren't buying into it. 

Dear Ted:
Although Sons of Anarchy is critically acclaimed, I never thought it would be of interest to me. My sister forced me to watch the first season on DVD, and I am hooked! It is brutal but compelling. So, how about that Charlie Hunnam, who plays Jackson on the series? He is absolutely hot! Any dish on him? My rescue kitties and I thank you in advance.

Dear Surprised Viewer:
Good thing you love Charlie's character, because Mr. Hunnam himself is not such a fan. The actor recently dished how he would change things if he were in charge of the writing. Dude is super delish though; lucky for us he chooses to put that face onscreen, since he is oh-so-confident in the writing department. 

Dear Ted:
I think I've guessed a Blind Vice. Me-Me Dallas is Lea Michele. Me-Me screams self-absorption, which is not something Lea lacks, and a few weeks ago you hinted that Ms. Michele may have once upon a time pursued, and landed, one of her costars. I get the impression that ego aside, if she wanted to play, Cory, Mark, Chord, Matt or Kevin wouldn't resist for long.

Dear Michele Messer:
In that order? Not sure I would agree. And Me-Me's not Lea, anyway. Lea's far more interested in her profession than Me-Me is, right now, at least.

Dear Ted:
There's one girl that somehow I hate her. OK she's pretty but her manners is like hell. She usually talks without thinking and somehow her action makes me want to slap her. What should I do? I already make some distance with her but I can't. Tell me what should I do?

Dear Excuse Me?
And this pertains to celebrity gossip how? But since you ask, get even more distance. Or you will slap her, and that wouldn't be good.

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