Blake Lively, Leighton Meester

Giovanni Rufino / The CW; JGM,

Dear Ted:
Chanel honored Blake Lively for whatever campaign she is in, but no one from her sisterhood and Gossip Girl cast showed up for her except for Penn Badgley, who sneaked in. Where are Blake's friends?

Dear Friendless in Fashion Land:
Does a girl that fiercely pretty and honored by the most It fashion people on the planet need friends? Probably. I mean, it's cool being Anna Wintour's fashion girl toy, but that's not what we would call a real girlfriend. I swear the only chick I see her buddying up next to is Leighton Meester, and that's all frenemy show and tell, not a bestie offscreen moment. Girl needs a posse quick, before we start thinking she's a just a weirdo who can dress well. 

Dear Ted:
I'm a huge Hunger Games fan. I've read the books multiple times and I'm more than excited for the movies. Who do you think would be best for the main roles? I can't decide on Katniss (I only know that if Kristen Stewart is chosen I may boycott the movies). But for Peeta, I think Alex Pettyfer or Chord Overstreet. For Gale, the guy who plays Caleb on Pretty Little Liars and for Finnick Odair...maybe Zac Efron?

Dear Roll Call:
Well, we'll just call you Debra Zane, huh? All those peaking stars on one set would be climatic, to say the least, but it's not going to happen. Katniss, as the real casting director spilled, is going to be some underfed-but-strong, tomboyish character. Sounds like K.Stew to me! Not happening, though, so don't fret! As for Peeta, you're dead on. Alex or Chord would be amazing. Can't wait to see who fills up that cast!

Dear Ted:
Is King Schlong in any movies coming up this year?

Dear Onscreen Schlonging:
Multiple. Lucky us, right?

Dear Ted:
Any interesting news on Harland Fuss lately? Has he found a way to go back on his "devil-dealing scenario" (does he even want to?), or has his beard permanently won the battle?

Dear Much More to Fuss For...
He has bigger and more permanent things to deal with lately, especially when it comes to that beard of his. Pretty sure she'll be staying around for a while. It's only proper of this not-so-wild-anymore hunk to stick around longer than usual.

Dear Ted:
You've insinuated that Russell Brand and Katy Perry are headed for trouble. Care to elaborate? I loved both of Brand's books, and I hope he's taking his sobriety (from all things illicit) seriously.

Dear Newly Fed Up:
Yes, I was assuming there was some s--t stirring in love-bird land between those two, but Brand seemed to really miss her during the Oscars and has been taking in any time he can get with Katy before she fully dashes off on her world tour. Maybe there's some hope here, after all? Then again, while the Katy Kat's away, let's just hope her man rat doesn't play.

Dear Ted:
I noticed a lot of people had their panties in a twist over comments Rob made in the Vanity Fair article. All I have to say about it what! He complains about his job. He talks about his girlfriend. And he says he admires people that don't give a f--k. He pretty much sounds like every guy I know. Are there really that many people out there that expect him to be so different from everyone else?

Dear Preach It:
I was all about how naive and honest Rob was in that interview. The fact that he even admits to getting the munchies for pretzel M&Ms and doesn't fear getting fat someday? Come on, those are priceless dishes from that pale piece of ass. Let the dude be a dude, even if that alligator was gross and not his sexiest accessory to date. He's still a total doll.

Dear Ted:
Has Fey Oiled-Tush been involved romantically with anyone of the same sex who is also famous?

Dear Smells Fishy:
Wouldn't shock me if true, but it would definitely have to be on the super down-low. So a famous lover may be a bit out of the question. Then again, he's one dare devil, that Tush.

Dear Ted:
My kitty Regina ran away, so I need you to keep my spirits up. I just got into watching Glee (yeah, I know I'm behind), and I was wondering about Dianna Agron. Is she a Blind Vice? Does she cause any drama on the Glee set?

Dear Cheer Up:
Hope your kitty turns up some, hon! I'm sending ya good vibes, but until then your Glee-filled heart can rest assured that Dianna has no Vice for now. But after that situation with ex Alex Pettyfer, I wouldn't be surprised if she makes her debut in the Blinds sooner rather than later. Her role won't be the diva, though. I don't think Lea Michele is down to share, even with her BFF Dianna.

Dear Ted:
We all know Charlie Sheen is crazy, but my mentally deficient senior rescue puppy mill dog Einstein (who likes to be king crazy) and his rescue partner Luna want to know if Charlie has a chance to get through this, or does he have such an inflated sense of self-entitlement that he is really close to the edge of total wackdom this time? Tell everyone senior rescues are worth it—they have a lot of love to give, even if for a short time.

Dear Someone Rescue Charlie:
The man got a million followers on Twitter in 24 hours. He's turning his spectacle of a self into a marketing and publicity show like no other. While we all love to watch and wait for his next wacky rant, this is headed for one catastrophe of a train wreck, which will make front-page news. This man is crazy, but Sheen ain't one bit stupid. Get it?

Dear Ted:
Are any of Charlie Sheen's exes as crazy as he is?

Dear Crazy Couples:
Is this a serious question? He only dates, marries and does crazy! Well, and goddesses. But they are probably crazy, too, so there's two times the dosage for him.

Dear Ted:
Did you read that article on Fitperez about Adele? She was quoted saying she always relied on her talent not her looks, and she never had body issues. Commendable! Did you know what Perez said that she needs to lose weight because being skinny is healthy! It's just wrong. Whatever happened to his nice policy? I think apologies and boycotts are in order. What do you think?

Dear Rollin' Deep for Adele:
We love her, all day. Not only can the sing her lungs out like no other, but also she represents exactly that—a healthy body image. She is absolutely gorge, and no one should tell her otherwise. A girl who eats, and isn't afraid to flaunt it. Super skinny is for the super stupid.

Dear Ted:
I saw pictures of Scarlett Johansson and Jeremy Renner together on the red carpet at the Oscars, and I have to say they looked like a couple that has it going on! What's your take on the two of them? Do you see them becoming a couple or just good friends? They're both single!

Dear Ew, No:
Nothing to take in there; that's who I want to see really stay just friends. Plus, I've made it pretty clear that I think there is more than just some sexual footsy crotch-scratching going on between ScarJo and Sean Penn. If the babe is going to get hooked, I hope it's the intellectual, long-time do-gooder, not some newcomer actor (who was actually pretty good, and Oscar nominated, in The Town). Sure Scar will drink to doing you good, huh Sean?

Dear Ted:
Honestly, how can you read the Vanity Fair article about Robert Pattinson and not mention how he dissed his fans? He said in the article that he didn't "particularly like" the Twilight franchise and that people who call themselves Twilight fans are just a bunch of crazies. That's not very nice. Don't you think?
—Former fan

Dear Butt Hurt:
Have you read our boards?

Dear Ted:
What's the latest with Priscilla Desert? Still professional bearding, or is she actually making a real attempt towards maybe losing that "V"?

Dear Still Dry...
And still looking out for her next publicity beard.

Dear Ted:
I rescued my best buddy, a dobie, 10 years ago. He's old and I love him like crazy! Anyway, it's my first time writing to you, and what could have made me do it? King Schlong! Is it Jon Hamm? He's got some serious swagger.

Dear Guessing Up a Mess:
Think more movies, less television. Schlong likes to take up more than just a prime-time slot on the tube, no doubt. Oh, and thanks for being a rescuer. So much love to you and your oldie dobie!

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