ABC Announces Franco-Hathaway Sitcom That Darn Oscar!

While the 83rd Annual Academy Awards may have been yet another predictable yawn fest, the program could see new life as That Darn Oscar!, an upcoming sitcom for ABC.

"All you need to do is trim two and a half hours off the thing, put in actual jokes and you're in business," stated a network rep to Soup sources. "You've got all the major ingredients: There's the cute, twentysomething couple in love played, by James Franco and Anne Hathaway. He's a crazy cross-dressing rebel who's in beautician school while juggling a movie-star career, and she's the hottest actress in town who's also...

…a sassy, chain-smoking militant vegan. Where there's quirky, there's fire, right?

"In each episode," the rep revealed,  they're rehearsing for the big show, but they keep losing the best-picture Oscar. The dog carries it off, it blows up the microwave, it gets sold to some Asian tourists at a yard sale accidentally…and that's just the start! We're in talks with Jay-Z to guest star in an episode where his dentist uses a chunk of the Oscar's head to make a gold grill," continued the source.

"Then we have Kirk Douglas playing the crazy old horny guy who lives next door. He comes in waving his cane around, chasing Anne while he rolls his eyes and mumbles catch phrases like, 'Now that's a keester!' 'Let's get ice cream!' and 'Who am I? Aw, who cares!'"

The rep went on to say the network intends to piggyback on last night's Oscar telecast, which scored huge points with the much-desired young demographic.