Paris Hilton turned 30 this week! What could be more exciting than that? We know, reading something on your computer. So open the gift that keeps on giving (if by keeps on you mean for like five minutes) and enjoy the best of your week in Soup!

1. The Oprah Winfrey Show: Iyanla Vanzant was once the go-to expert in matters of the heart on Oprah's show in the '90s. Then the pair had a mysterious falling out. Was it over money? Ego? Gorging rights to the last Big Mac in the bag? The truth has never been revealed, and now emotional wreck Vanzant returns begging forgiveness. But will Oprah be big about it?

One down, four to soak up!

2. The Real Housewives of Atlanta: There's all kinds of drama, Atlanta housewife-style, afoot when the gals get back together for (surprise!) a reunion "special." A tweet gone wrong, a transvestite and something going on in Kim's panties are on the docket of thrills. Form an orderly line, folks!

3. The BachelorBrad is at a melting point, and with no shrink in sight! With his usual keen insight and tremendous modesty, Womack realizes that the mental health of these women rests completely in his hands. If they don't get a rose, they might just "shut down"! Wait, Chris said this show'd be easier the second time, dang it!

4. Survivor: In keeping with its name, Survivor is back for yet another season, this time with an exciting new twist. Redemption Island! Contestants get to go there for redemption. So it's kind of like Beyond Scared Straight, minus the anal cavity inspection stories. Anyway, see what happens when Phillip gets a dry mouth!

5. Jersey Shore Brace yourselves. Ronni and Sammi have broken up. Why the tide even bothers to come in at the shore of Jersey anymore is a mystery, yet life goes on, forcing the housemates to deal with the pain. Of course, the Situation has his own unique take on the whole debacle. Somehow, it's all about him. No way!

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