Blind Vice vampire

For all the ladies who broke down with angry tears once you found out how the very hot vampire star Nelly Fang also likes to do it with boys, we have very good news: Gorgeous Nelly's cheating on his beard girlfriend with...girls! Tons of 'em!

Oh, those good-looking Hollywood studs, just never know what they're going to do with their privates, huh?

Well, get this: Nelly also has a name for his extremely well-used private parts. Want to know what it is?

The Captain!

Oh, this is too much. But, I think we're actually kinda into it, sort of fits Nelly's fun-loving, free-spirit personality. But, here are the deets:

Recently, Nelly's been working on his latest project (he has a ton lately), The Chrysanthemum Coffin, and the predominantly fake gf—who he does sometimes occasionally take a romp with, mind you—has been to visit him on set. But, whenever that tired girlfriend of his vanishes, Nelly pulls into his trailer with whichever chick is willing.

And, trust us, that be a lotta chicks, who always get a little after-sex show, courtesy of Nelly.

"The Captain got the job done!" Nelly will scream and moan, right after he's completed satisfying his lady friend (and himself). Or perhaps he'll say, rhetorically, "How 'bout that Captain, huh?"

This is funnier than Russell Crowe talking about himself in third person during sex—"Go, Russ, Go!," he is rumored to say.

And for those of you who are grimacing and wondering how perfect-specimen Nelly could ruin such a great moment (as the dude is totally great, in all departments), let us assure you once you've been in Mr. Fang's arms, no utterances, no matter how dorky, can deflate the moment—or his.

And It Ain't: Tom Cruise, Denis O'Hare, Paul Wesley

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