Keira Knightley, Robert Pattinson

Chris Jackson/Getty Images; AP Photo/Matt Sayles

Dear Ted:
I just read on Twitter that Keira Knightley is replacing Marion Cotillard in Robert Pattinson's new film, Cosmopolis! And I love it! I think that Marion is a great actress, but Keira is more fitting for the movie. So what do you think of this new pair? It's going to be smokin' hot or freezing cold?

Dear Batman Who?
Looks like Keira is moving on to bigger and better things, and we love it. And after news hit that Anne Hathaway had landed the role of Catwoman in Dark Knight Rises, we couldn't help but worry about Keira. The relieving word is that Cotillard, like the rest of H'wood, will be sporting a baby bump too soon for the director's liking. You baby-up, you lose—well at least a crucial acting gig. Can't wait to see how those U.K. foreigners heat up the screen—scorching temperatures ahead, trust. That is if the rumors are true.

Dear Ted:
I'm glad to hear that Darren Aronofsky is Vice free, but your comment about him "wrangling the crazies" gave me pause. Is Rachel Weisz one of said "crazies." She seems really smart and cool, but what do I know? Also, is Sheila Yabos Australian? I can't think of an Aussie actress who fits the bill, but the moniker makes me think she is.

Dear Vicing Around:
‘Cause she sounds like sort of a fisty barroom broad? Nope. No Australian blood in this Vice. Think American-born, though with lineage from another country.

Dear Ted:
What's the scoop with Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss lately?

Dear Bandwagon:
They're pretty much copying the rest of the Industry with their personal lives, if you know what I mean. Oh, and being too wild. Though they're pretending they're doing just the opposite.

Dear Ted:
I was watching the Golden Globe clip you put up on your recent Bitch-Back, and you can hear Lea Michelle saying "It's Ted Casablanca from E Online," and then you can hear someone saying, "Why don't you throw something at him?" Do you know who that was, because it sounded a lot like Kevin McHale's voice; does the cast really not like you?

Dear So What:
While it would be such fun to sit here and wonder which hissyfit male was prompting a Lea-Ted brawl, I'd rather sit here and laugh at Lea's head-and-hip-shaking ‘tude. Her best performance of the year! But look, heart Glee, and they should love me too. I mean I give them tons o' promo, no? 

 Dear Ted:
Since you were in the room, what vibe did you get overall from the crowd at the Golden Globes. I was actually stunned the next day with all the bad press Ricky Gervais received, with stories citing booing etc. Then I read Ricky's blog, and he said he was hanging with Tom Hanks afterward and the press was making some stuff up. He said if you hate it, say you hate it, but don't say specific people were "offended."

Dear Team Gervais:
Team Truth is definitely not hopping on that Ricky-hater train. I thought he was brilliant, and so did everyone else—deep down. Puh-lease, do you think the American version of The Office would invite the comically cynical genius on the show if at least some people thought he wasn't amazing? Now, if Ricky was getting buddy-buddy with Tim Allen, postbashing sesh, then we would be worried—more for his career than anything else. And to specifically answer your question, nobody really started complaining about Ricky until after the show. Typical Hollywood. Very few said anything to his face.

Dear Ted:
I love your column, specially because you are always talking about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson even when they're lying low or simply working. Other blogs only talk about them when they're the It. Anyways, I think if K.Stew and R.Pattz simply came out and said, yes, we're together, and even gave the fans and press a smooch or something, they would have more privacy ‘cause everyone just wants proof they're together or not. What do you think?

Dear Keep Dreaming:
Kristen kissing her beau for the press? Have you died and gone to Twi-hard heaven or what? Maybe the day I turn into a vampire, but that PDA is not happening any time soon, doll. Press pecks or not, those two will never have privacy as long as they're together and as long as their fans are drooling over their real and fake sexual tension. 

Dear Ted:
I read recently that Christina Aguilera and Julianne Hough got into an argument at a Golden Globes party. I was wondering if you heard anything as to why they don't get along?

Dear Catfight Queen: 
You're right! E! Online reported that Christina was less than thrilled to see Julianne at a party hosted by CAA at the Soho House in West Hollywood. Miss Xtina threatened to squash Hough's country-singing career and even grabbed her, to which J.H. replied, "Don't touch me!" Meow. Plus, we hear the two weren't quite BFFs on the set of Burlesque. Gotta love a diiirty diva.

Dear Ted:
I recently got on the True Blood bandwagon (read the books and then watched all three seasons back to back) and am absolutely obsessed with Alexander Skarsgård. Any dish on this delicious piece of eye candy!

Dear Too Yum:
We could go on for days about how delish we find Skars, but since we don't want to make you uncomfortable (right) we'll leave it at—yummy. The babealicious TV actor is off the market, and dating a beauty, Kate Bosworth. If we didn't love Kate, we would totally homewreck the crap out of that relaysh. But we'll be civilized, for now.

Dear Ted:
I've been crushing on Paul Rudd since his Clueless days. He's been in a steady stream of A-lister movies, but I've never heard any gossip on him. Anybody that adorable and wholesome-looking has to have a few Vicey secrets, right? Kisses from my two pugs!

Dear As If:
Paul had always been such a stud, but A-list movie? Have to say that's pushing it. He's totally dateable and has our fave puppy dog look, but that's about it. Love his scruffy love, but can't say H'wood does—or even our Vicey archives at that. Much love to your pooches!

Dear Ted:
I love the movie The Runaways with Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning. There is one thing that came across my mind when watching: How do stars like Kristen and Dakota learn how to act "under the influence" in certain scenes that call for it? I am assuming that Dakota doesn't usually smoke or drink, let alone do drugs, but could she (and other young starlets like her) experiment to get the experience and carry it onscreen? Just a thought.

Dear Drugged out Damsels:
Come on, you don't think they are talented enough to pretend to be über-buzzed? We're sure Dakota is as prim and proper as a porcelain doll—at least she looks it. Still, we know that she and K.Stew have been working rather closely lately, what with Dakota making a few Volturi appearances here and there. We will let you think on that. By the by, rule one with celebs—never assume.

MORE: Read up on some more bitchin' Q & A's in the Bitch-Back section!

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