Kristen Stewart, Vogue

Vogue/ Mario Testino

Dear Ted:
What you did was purposely rain on Kristen Stewart's parade. What you did was evil, mean and just plain hateful. Why do this?! What was the point?! I have never seen you pull a Jennifer Aniston spread and highlight the Photoshopping of her wrinkles! You don't proceed to slam Anna Wintour and Vogue for doing it. No. You talk about how hideous she looks. What she looks like shouldn't be the main point of the piece. You all should have ripped Vogue a new ass for doing it. I hate you for what you did. (I'm still a fan). Apologize!

Dear Crack Lady:
What the hell are you smoking, Pg? We said Vogue was stupid for its Photoshop hack job on that one pic because Stewart doesn't even need it. Did you not see in the item the portion that read, "What's wrong with you photo people?" Quote. Or how about, "The rest of the shots are just fab." Or how about, "Beauty's rocking it—no beastly Photoshop needed." Maybe you should read the whole item before you get your Krisbian panties in a twist.

Dear Ted:
Christina Aguilera
's recent antics at the Globes and Jeremy Renner's house got me thinking, could she possibly be Princess Powder-Puff?

Dear Great Guess:
Not a bad guess at all, babe! But wrong Vice for Christina. Rather close, actually.

Dear Ted:
I love your column even if you hate the Gleek I love, aka Lea Michele. Can't help it. Love her. Do you see any of the Glee girls having success after the series ends?

Dear Love and Hate:
You're so reading me wrong! I love me some Lea Michele, diva and all. She's a gossip columnist's dream: über-talented, a tad difficult but has a good smile, so who the hell cares? That's why I know Ms. Michele will be most successful after the series ends, no doubt.

Dear Ted:
Could the reality star whom America loves be Ms. Paula Abdul? I know she's got her own bag of crazy, but the description fits. Love ya, Teddy!

Dear If the Salami Fits...:
Sorry, Cath, but Paula shows all her crazy cards. Nothing to hide there! Wrong social, er, penis climber. Love ya, back!

Dear Ted:
I just don't get the whole Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt PDAs at award shows. I find it rather embarrassing because it's so obvious it's for the cameras. For two people who "love" their privacy, they seem intent on making a semi porno everyone time a camera is pointed toward them. Do they think they are pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, or do they realize it makes them come off as pathetic? They should hang out with Jada Pinkett and Will Smith—they are so desperate for people to believe they are so in love and have a hot and heavy sex life, but yet everyone knows those who try so hard, have the opposite going on at home.

Dear Close:
Oh darling, you are kinda off on the sex-life thing. Brangelina certainly don't need anyone to believe they're getting hot and heavy in the bedroom. Do you remember Angie presainthood? Girl's a freak in the sheets! And that urge doesn't go away. Diminish, maybe, but not go away. As for the PDA overload, if they're getting their asses to an awards show they currently find to be a joke, you'd better believe they want all eyes on them. The king and queen have arrived! 

Dear Ted;
I think you let your dislike for Anna Wintour influence your presentation of Kristen Stewart's Vogue cover. I do remember a number of uncomplimentary articles on Anna last year. Anna would never let any photos out unless they were perfect. The Photoshopped photo was just artistic license. You have to buy a copy of Vogue for yourself and everyone on your staff now as penance.

Dear Here We Go Again:
As usual, you guys love to pick and choose what you read. All the photos are stunning, except one. All I'm saying is Kristen is a gorgeous girl; you do not need to Photoshop her. Like at all. Artistic license is bull. There was a reason the pic is an outtake. Whoever was behind the comp effed up!

Dear Ted:
So both Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Cruise were at the CAA afterparty. Did Cruise get to console Jake about his various breakups while he was avoiding his ex Nicole Kidman?

Dear Yeah Right:
Please! Jake was working the room, and the ladies. He had his eyes on the prize, and that was Mila Kunis. Even though they are just good friends, Jake knows what he's doing...not Tom.

Dear Ted:
I read your post about Leighton Meester and Garrett Hedlund getting cozy at the Golden Globes afterparty but saw on E! News that it was "so false." Who's right and who's wrong?

Dear PR Mouthpiece:
Darling, we know what we witnessed. And a zillion other people did, too! They were all over each other, trust. It was pretty freaking cute! They may not be dating—even tho no reps got back to us—but they're more than just buddies. Period.

Dear Ted:
Word around the web is that Jake Gyllenhaal was hanging dangerously close to Camilla Belle. Sure, the babe is gorgeous and mildly talented, but with her track record with Taylor Swift, don't you think Jake should've dodged this bullet (especially since he was the one who broke Miss Swifty's heart)?

Dear One Liner:
What makes you so sure it was Jake launching on her? Please, tell me what was the last acting job Camilla did? Yet she's everywhere. It's she who needs Jake, not the other way around. Gossip Column 101.

Dear Ted:
It's pretty quiet around Leonardo DiCaprio. What's going on with him? There are constant rumors of engagement and marriage. Any truth to that? Is he ready to settle down, or he is just enjoying the advantages of a steady girlfriend? He doesn`t strike me as the marrying kind

Dear Commitment-Phobe:
Right you are, Jen. Bar Refaeli is gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but Leo knows there are way too many up-and-coming models in his future. Don't expect him to put a ring on it anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
I love Jason Segel! He seems like such a sincere and awesome person. Any chance he's hiding some Vicey secrets? Love from me and my rescue mutt, Tobey.

Dear Love You Man:
Big fan of Jason's, too! Yes he has a Vice...but he's practically already outted it himself. It's more on the funny side, so rest easy.

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