Though we're only at week two, the tension on The Bachelor is so thick you could cut it with something really, really dull. Like Brad Womack's personality.

Thanks, folks. Try the veal.

But seriously, apparently his heady Texas charm is more than enough for frantic Melissa, who says she's dreamed of marrying this man for eight years. How that's possible we're not sure, given that he first appeared on the show four years ago, but there's probably some kind of fantasy-based rationale in her head that makes it all add up.

But why not let her tell you about it?

"I quit my job! I did all these things to be here, and I so want Brad to get to know me!"

Are you insane?! Do you think Applebee's hostess jobs grow on trees?

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