Paul Wesley, Ian Somerhalder, Vampire Diaries

Bob Mahoney/The CW

Dear Ted:
Murph and I are surprised that Paul Wesley has earned a Blind Vice. He's such a good boy on Diaries. Does bad boy Ian Somerhalder have a BV, too? If so, which one of the two vamps has the juicier Vice. Murph and I will wait to read your reply.
—Murph and Liz

Dear Fang Off:
Paul definitely saves his good-boy persona for the small screen, trust me. And, of course, Ian's got a Vice, too. He's a sexy vamp, after all, and if the Twilight cast has taught us anything, it's that those bloodsuckers love to give BV fodder. Neither Vices are as juicy as their Cullen counterparts, but a Vice is a Vice. Right?

Dear Ted:
During their brief fling (can you even call it that?), did Taylor Swift ever find out about John Mayer's dirty, Vicey ways?

Dear Flung Off:
Uh, hardly a fling. Tabloid rumors and the most minor of fascinated flirtation does not a torrid affair make. Which also means that no, Tay is still in the dark on JM's BV—or else that "Dear John" song would have been to a whole different tune.

Dear Ted:
Does Strippa Rip-Ya have kids? I think we're in pretty sketchy territory if she does. How can crime so horrendous continue to be covered up, even if they are rich and famous? Aren't there friends (or at the very least, managers/handlers with a vested interest) looking out for the welfare of Strippa and possibly her kids? She's a star in her own right, unlike Mel Gibson's ex. Why can't she just kick him out? Has Caesar really isolated and abused her to the point that she doesn't have the confidence to leave him?

Dear Ripped Off:
You'd be surprised what can get covered up in this town if you try hard enough. Sure, people know about what's going on behind closed doors but nobody is quite sure what to do about it. Especially since Strip herself won't fess up. It's all very sad.

Dear Ted:
Dahhling! What's up with our boy No-Beave Steve? Personally and professionally? I thought we'd have heard more from him by now. If it helps, my sweetest rescue mutt Ella is also dying to know!

Dear Beaver Fever:
Uh, who? Does that answer it?

Dear Ted:
Boneheads? I have to say the lack of respect for our current and former presidents shocks me. I was in D.C. the day our country was attacked. Our citizens killed. Our buildings fallen. I was terrorized, agonized for a long time. If I felt that bad, it's horrible to think how those Americans who survived, and those who had loved who didn't survive felt. Pres. Bush will always have a special place in my heart for the way he handled himself in the days after 9/11. Not many Presidents have had to contend with such an event. I know he made mistakes, but I feel he was doing the best for his country, as a father, to make this a safe and great place for his children and grandchildren. On the same token, I believe Pres. Obama isn't going to be perfect. But again, he is doing what he thinks is the best for our country and I respect him for taking on what might be hardest job in the world.

Dear Whatever:
If he's such a protective patriot, how come he never once stepped outside his ranch in Texas to the address the grieving mother who camped for days on the highway outside his home, just so she could ask why her son had to die in Iraq. What, only people in Washington get watched over and coddled?

Dear Ted:
I'm 16 and love, love, love all things Robsten and Twilight! You don't write about them enough though. C'mon, Teddy, we need more Rob! If not for me then for my grandma who loves him even more than I do!

Dear Something Old, Something New:
The smooch-fest they had on the beach wasn't enough to tide you and grammy over? Talk about greedy! I'll see what kind of dirt I can dig up, but until then you should have your g'ma try to nab an appearance on "Pop Goes The Old People." I'd love to hear her chat about our fave vamps.

Dear Ted:
Were Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss ever in love or was their relationship a business deal from the start?

Dear Shackled Up:
Strictly biz from the get-go. Which is all Cruella is about these days, haven't you realized that yet?

Dear Ted:
So is Toothy Tile still with Grey Goose? Love ya Ted. You da man.
—Nosey Nelly

Dear Dysfunctional Duo:
It's hard to say these days. They definitely haven't called it quits yet, but things are not going smoothly, mostly thanks to Toothy's heaps and heaps of Vicey problems. So Goose has been biding his time with things he thinks are more important while he waits for T2 to get his friggin' act together.

Dear Ted:
Is Prince Horebart Hairplug Kevin Kline?

Dear Butting In:
Nope. You'd be less surprised to know Prince is into the voyeuristic boy-on-boy stuff than Kev. At least I was less surprised, but you know me.

Dear Ted:
In your blog about Ricky Martin, you mention that Christian Slater was at a bar known for it's drag shows, we all know CS has been a bit wild in the past which makes me wonder, does he have a BV? If so, is it older than dirt?

Dear Heathers Help Us:
Oh, gosh, no. He's not BV material, babe!

Dear Ted:
I like you, Ted, and I believe you know all the dirty secrets of every guy and girl called celebrities. And I trust your judgment. If you were cupid who is the guy that you would set Jennifer Aniston with? Among Hollywood guys who is the best for her in your opinion. I'd choose George Clooney, Colin Farrell or Leo DiCaprio. Do you agree with me or there are other guys? And do you think she'll be a good mother?
—Fan of Yours

Dear Match Maker:
You must be new, doll, cause I've said it before but I'll say it again: Jen needs to look outside the usual H'wood crowd to find a hunk that suits her. Hell, even an agent or manager-type would be better than another actor (including all of the ones you name dropped). As much as it physically pains me to say: she needs to go the Reese Witherspoon route.

Dear Ted:
Your column about Ronni Chasen was sad. I am sorry you lost a friend. Every time I read about her I want to cry. I have been following this because Ronni seemed amazing and this lady did not deserve this. I have been ill and having to rest so have some time on my hands...It was too much of a coincidence the gunmen knew exactly were to look for her jewelry...Who was the beneficiary of her life insurance policy? Was it a family or close friend? Did anyone she knows in her life have a gambling or drug problem? Did they approach her to help them financially? Did she refuse out of tough love or was she approached by shady people that person owed money to? Did she have a conflict with an employee? Did she find out info she wasn't supposed to? Was she going to be called to testify in court? My gut feeling is that someone close to her was responsible and she never saw this coming. Best to you Ted.

Dear Future FBI Agent:
You're asking all the right questions. I think we're just missing one big link and the whole thing will come together. Hopefully soon too. Too tragic what happened. Thanks for your concern though, S.

Dear Ted:
What did our new Lucretia Johnson get famous for? Acting, music, or neither? And does she even have a job right now, or is she really hanging by a thread?

Dear Mogul Non-Mama:
She's more praised for her music, but likes to think she can act too. That's where her talent is really poo-poo'ed though. Yes, she's got multiple jobs right now and is doing decently fine for herself.

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