If you're like us, you haven't been able to concentrate on anything, wondering if Halle Berry will play Oprah in an upcoming daytime movie. Or will it be Gabourey Sidibe? Anyway, here's the Soup you missed.

1. 19 Kids & Counting: Who knew the Duggars had sired a ticking time bomb of brewing addiction? With young sugar fiend James, it all starts with cinnamon toast.

Come on, you know you're jonesin' for more—there's four after the jump.

2. Oprah: No one can say Winfrey doesn't ask the tough questions, and when Michael Jackson's dad Joe sits down to chat, you better believe she's gonna slap him with a doozy the way he used to slap young Michael. Oh that's right, he didn't. Or something.

3. 16 and Pregnant: Being a teen mom is tough. But being a teen dad and pretending you actually want to be a teen dad, now that's a bitch!

4. Kim Kardashian: We've all heard the expression "an ass to die for." But an ass to buy perfume for? Step right up, folks!

5. America's Next Top Model: Tyra knows what it takes to make it to the top of the steaming model heap. Hard work, perserverance and having your weakest, most painful personal issues highlighted on national TV.

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