Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson


Dear Ted:
I just saw a YouTube vid of Robsten and at the end of the vid, it seems like Tom and Kristen were kissing...Here's the link, see it for yourself. Please tell me they're not the real couple. Please tell me the truth and don't sugarcoat it with PR BS.

Dear Three's a Crowd:
You really are a wackadoodle, K. Tom's sitting in the front seat, for Twilight's sake! No taxicab confessions here. Ya know, sometimes I think you Robsten fans don't want them to have any friends. Poor TomStu!

Dear Ted:
When Priscilla Desert was Parrish Maguire's beard, did she know that is what she was or was she really in love with him?

Dear Desert Mirage:
Oh, she knew what was up. She's not a dumb girl, per se, and Par is anything but subtle. You should know that by now, Ev! I'm sure he totally hearted chatting with Ms. D about all the boys they were fooling around with.

Dear Ted:
I've been reading your column for ages, but this is the first time I've written. In addition to two rescue dogs and a rescue kitty, my hubby also rescued a hen, which has recently begun blessing us with eggs. All of this ovulation got me thinking about Cass Stimulatia. I would like to venture a guess of Brooke Shields? Am I remotely close?

Dear Pass on Cass:
Nope. Not the worst guess I've heard, but you're still not close to pegging the down-on-her-luck lady. Kisses to your rescue pets!

Dear Ted:
Things have been really calm in Britney world lately...Is she doing OK? What's going on? Fill us in.

Dear Sequestered Spears:
A-OK in Camp Brit, I hear. Nothing too exciting—but that's exactly what the Spears clan wants.

Dear Ted:
Have Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck ever been a couple Blind Vice or only individually?
—KC Houston

Dear Ma and Pa:
Are you trying to say that the seemingly perfect duo might have a not-so-adorable secret or two hidden in their couples closet? Hmmm, may be right. Still, they haven't Viced together—yet. Separately, though.

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Selena Gomez and her low-key life? I mean, the girl is 18 years old, has more money than most of us will in a lifetime, she's hot and famous and yet she seems not to enjoy too much of the Hollywood life. Apart from work (which she does a lot) you barely hear from her and the girl is no where seen in the hot spots of Lalaland! If I were her I'll be partying and enjoying being young, rich and famous in Hollywood. I mean the girl is a cutie (and turning into a very hot young women), but what's wrong with her?

Dear Go-Go-Gomez:
I think you've got Lohanitis because Selena is perfectly normal. Why bother the babe because she isn't into the club scene and a revolving door of boyfriends? At least, not public ones. Not all the Disney darlings can be as tabloid-worthy as Ms. Miley.

Dear Ted:
It seems that several "celebrity" couples are getting divorced at the five year mark. Is it a coincidence or is there a legal reason (like the timing of the Nicole Kidman-Tom Cruise breakup)?

Dear Overly Suspicious:
Honey, it's just something really nasty going around in this hideous L.A. air (like karma).

Dear Ted:
In a recent B.B., you mentioned that Mr. Nevis Divine was really enjoying his nose candy as of late. What I would like to know is, does his inner circle (a) not know, (b) know a little, or (c) know every damn thing and not give a rats ass?

Dear Divine Intervention:
C. He's making the big bucks and keeping his nose clean in public, so why bother?

Dear Ted:
Regarding Perez's change of heart. I know that he has been unkind, rude, a liar to "break news" first...And how about the fact that you had to call him out quite a few times for taking credit on breaking stories that were clearly your due, but let's give him a chance: Either he goes the Paris Hilton way—remember her promises to change her ways and give back to the community after getting out of jail? I know, I'm laughing too—or Perez learns from the best, you, and understand that you can be seriously funny, spot-on and still have a huge following. The important thing, and what most don't get, is to find your own voice, signature sass, while keeping a certain journalistic integrity. Keep up the great job, Ted, hope the new generation deems worthy of your legacy.

Dear Make Me Blush:
Me and my old wrinkled ass thank you!

Dear Ted:
With all the splits announced this week, you must be just burning with B.V. hints to spill. Frankly, I don't care that much about Courteney and David (boring), but I would love a little dirt on the other two. There was some speculation that Christina Aguilera was Strippa Rip-Ya...Could that have anything to do with her marriage melting down? Make my day and give me a little something!

Dear Rip-Ya Lata:
Xtina had all the control in that relaysh, C. Strippa she was not. Far juicier dirt coming from the totally "boring" twosome of D and Court.

Dear Ted:
I think it's time to make it a Lindsay Lohan-free, or better yet, a completely Lohan-free zone. No more about these miserable people.

Dear Lohan Lookout:
While I definitely wouldn't mind seeing Dina or Michael's mugs less, you're crazy if you think Linds tabloid attention is going to die down anytime soon. Especially once she breaks out of Betty Ford.

Dear Ted:
Someone asked how you could be such a fan of Eminem's, considering his hateful lyrics toward gays. I'm not condoning any sort of hate, but can't we just take it for what it is: art? Yes, he has a song that says, "Hate fags? The answer's yes." No one ever mentions that those lyrics are followed by, "C'mon! Relax, guy. I like gay men." His songs also include a fictitious, detailed murder of his wife and a rhyme about him and Dr. Dre getting down as lovers, but no one is calling him a murderer or a homosexual. As a gay woman, who has been a fan of Eminem's for the past decade, it's getting old to hear everyone take his lyrics so literally. (End rant.) And on to a lighter subject...I'm dying to see Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams' new film, Blue Valentine. Have you seen it? Thumbs up?

Dear Slim Shady Lady:
Thanks, R, that's what I was getting at. We all don't think Josh Brolin hates gays because he killed Sean Penn in Milk do we? Haven't seen the flick, but saw the trailer. Looks damn good, it bad of me to say that I'm a little bit excited that it got slapped with the NC-17 rating? Bad for the box office, duh, but good for those of us who want to see Ry in an adult-only film.

Dear Ted:
I was watching Dancing With the Stars Tuesday night and noticed some major chemistry between Mark Ballas and Bristol Palin. Do you think there could be something going on with them other than dancing?

Dear Dancing Duo:
If Mark can come face-to-face with Sarah Palin herself and still have any interest in getting involved with that fam, then he's the bravest man I know. Or the craziest. Probably the latter, actually.

Dear Ted:
I don't know much about sports, yet this Pepper Harthman Vice is intriguing me. Mostly because I'm curious if this person will turn out to be as well-known as Tiger Woods—even I knew who he was despite my limited sports knowledge. Here is my first guess: Is it Cole Hamels?

Dear Woods-Worthy:
Much more well-know, Sash, if only by name.

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