Bitch-Back! Are We Too Tough on Trainwrecks?

Readers wonder about Lohan, Spears, and Winehouse

Dear Ted:
While I do agree that people have to take personal responsibility for their actions, given their age and brain development stage, some of the addictions and legal trouble of child stars are sad to me. Call me crazy but I do not get mad or snub my nose when I see people like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears. I see someone who clearly is hurting underneath it all. They were exploited by their own families at a very young age. That has to feel like a punch in the gut. On another note, sadly along the same lines, is there any hope that Amy Winehouse will ever start making music again and taking care of herself? Wow! What talent. Heartbreaking to see her decline.
—Amy

Dear Hot Mess Mix-Up:
It's all sad, Amy. And Brit is a whole different clown car of crazy, but trust, LiLo hasn't had it too easy herself. Problem is, she loves the fact that she can get away with excuse after excuse and shows no sign of wanting to change (despite what she may tweet). Same goes for Amy, though she doesn't need excuses. Everybody just figures she's a hot mess and is going to stay that way.

Dear Ted:
It's been quiet around Nikki Reed's end. What'ss she up to these days?
—Mizz

Dear On the Reed-ar:
Working, working, working. And trying to stay out of the tabloids. Shocker, huh?

Dear Ted:
I'm sure you have gotten a million of these emails by now since Cougar Town just premiered. But I just want to say Jennifer Aniston was fantastic! Emmy-worthy maybe. So, with that, I want to say she needs to come back to TV. That's where her true talent lies. She will be fantastic on prime time. I think a network should offer her her own show. And maybe she can squeeze in a movie here and there, but it's very evident that TV is her calling. She may even be poised to make more than what she earned on Friends. Thoughts?
—TP

Dear Cougarific:
Duh, Jen's always been more than faboo on the silver screen—kinda hard to figure why exactly that doesn't (always) equate to big box-office bucks. Jen is so over TV though, by going back to another TV series, she's admitting defeat. And while J.A. may be super chill, she's damn stubborn.

Dear Ted:
Now that Joaquin Phoenix has come clean about his huge hoax, can you eliminate him as Brain-Fry Noodlestein? You know he was the top suspect for many of us...I sure as hell thought it was him!
—C

Dear Put on a Show:
Sorry, C, but just because Joaquin fooled you once, how do you know he's not doin' it again?

Dear Ted:
Spill the deets, Ted. A certain gossipmonger divulged today that Robert Pattinson and Andrew Garfield had a falling out, and Andrew is quite indignant of Robert's alleged lack of talent. That he has been distancing himself from any association with Robert like he's got the plague, and that friends had to choose sides in this whole affair. Is it true?
—Twyla

Dear Bromance Breakup:
Jeez, if all the goss ever published about R.Pattz were actually true, the dude would have the most dramatic life ever. Well, I guess he does have some drama, but definitely not with his Brit pack of BFFs.

Dear Ted:
I feel like a broken record here because I've asked this question way more than once without you responding, but why is it that you've updated just about every B.V. lately except for Judas Jack-Off and his boyfriend, Dashed Dingle-Dream? Are these two too boring nowadays to make you want to dish about them anymore, and if so how can that be? It's been a year now since you last wrote a column about them. Hasn't anything changed about them that's blog worthy?
—Jayne

Dear Jerked-Off:
Maybe 'cause you all ask about this duo in the Bitch-Backs so much that I don't even want to Vice ‘em. Plus, there are so many other Blinds that are keeping me far more entertained these days. Judy ‘n' Dash have gotten a little ho-hum, as of late.

Dear Ted:
I know the role of Lisbeth in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a huge deal and a great career choice for an actress today, but why was it the most coveted role and the most drawn-out and closely watched casting searches in years? It was all over the news. I have never heard so much about a casting choice so I was curious, what was the last big female role that all the starlets were fighting for?
—DancingChic

Dear Casting Couch:
Lisbeth was such a damn big deal because the book is the hottest thing out there right now. It's not often that a phenomenon like that could offer up a role that might actually be eligible for Oscar fodder. Big box-office bucks and award potential? Every actress in Hollywood would die for that.

Dear Ted:
When I've chanced the boards I've noticed mention of "rules" to your Blind Vice articles. Will you clue us all in? Specifically this one: The Friday Blind Vice will have been mentioned in the Mon-Thurs (of the current week) Bitch-Back posts. Is this true? Are there other helpful tidbits you can share? Now to press my luck—when did Toothy make his Awful Truth debut? Was it before you began assigning Blind Vice monikers? Cheers!
—Kristen

Dear First Rule of Vices:
No formal rules for my Vices, babe. Sure, sometimes I like to leave a clue or two in the B.B.s that week (or the celeb at hand might just be who everyone is talking about), but they aren't always in the mail bags—just ask Moisty Mohr. As for the Toothster, that was way back in 2005, in a B.V. that will infamously remain: "One Adorable Blind Vice."

Dear Ted:
Have we ever seen Baby Tile in photos and not realized the connection to Toothy? I'm just curious whether Baby Tile has been hiding under our noses all along.
—Curious

Dear Tile Overload:
Ah, the adorable saga of Baby Tile! Trust, B.T. has never appeared in a paparazzi pic. Toothy would never allow it.

Dear Ted:
What do you think of the Ashton Kutcher and David Beckham cheating stories? Any truth? Have either been in a B.V. and if so—recently?
—Curious in PA

Dear Tabloid Trash:
Both have been, but a time ago.

Dear Ted:
My friend and I have been arguing about this for days now. Is it a fair assumption that most closeted gay actors shy away from playing gay men onscreen? I think that they would be too worried about being outed if they took these roles. Or am I wrong and taking these roles is the ultimate way to throw the public off?
—Em

Dear Gay for Pay:
Totally wrong, babe. 'Cause you're using the exact logic these actors figure folks will have, which is why they definitely play a gay role from time to time. It's the best way—aside from a hottie beard, of course—to fight off rumors.

Dear Ted:
I'm just wondering why no one cares about Lourdes wearing the clothes she does. If Miley Cyrus wore half the stuff she does, parents all over the world would have a hissy fit. Why is it always one rule for Miley and another for everyone else? I'm not the biggest fan of the girl, but people need to lay off her a bit, don't you think?
—Gossip Girl XOXO

Dear Dress to Distress:
Same reason no one cares that Taylor Momsen slinks around in a bra and nightie: no one cares. Sure, she may be Madonna's daughter and all, but Miles is a tween phenomenon. She carries a lot more clout in the Biz, which means she has to suffer the double standards even more.

Dear Ted:
Have you seen handsome Orlando Bloom in full costume as the Duke of Buckingham? He is one hot preening peacock of a duke! I don't know anyone else who can rock that period stuff like Orlando except Johnny Depp. I can't wait!
—Co

Dear Royally Screwed:
You bet I have, babe. And Orly always looks good donning old fashion garb, that's why he's the go-to guy for a butt load of period pieces (and Hobbit flicks) but not much modern-day stuff. Too bad too, the guy's talented.

Dear Ted:
Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel still together? I haven't heard a thing about the pair lately. Such a boring pair. They may have even forgotten they're supposed to be a couple.
—Bella

Dear On Topic:
Yes, they're still together. And yes, they're still boring. Sorry, somebody's gotta say it.

Dear Ted:
I was hoping you can give me a little more information on the delicious Garrett Hedlund. I've thought he was adorable since he was in Troy, but he seems like he's just getting his big break. Is he as amazing as he seems? Or does he have some Blind Vice behavior to speak of?
—K

Dear Hedlunding for Success:
Don't worry, K, between the Tron reboot and strutting his cutie tush down red carpets with Kristen Stewart, he's bound to get his fair share of press in the months to come. Count on it.