What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?

What tips could John Travolta take from our BV star

By Ted Casablanca Sep 09, 2010 5:19 PMTags
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Heard the latest goss on John Travolta? Of course you have, because gay-sex-in-the-sauna allegations don't fall on deaf ears, even if they're printed by the National Enquirer, of all places. And geez, with details like those the NE is "exclusively dishing," you'd think they're trying to earn John a top spot in our Blind Vice Hall of Fame!

So, how would our own happy-ending humper, Seymour Plow-Me-More (you remember him, don't you) handle this whole mess?

See, Travolta has been the target of many tabloid rumors throughout the years, some true and some completely fabricated, but Sey knows how to cover his tracks so no dirt on him is ever taken too seriously.

How, you ask?

By never getting (overly) in it in the first place.

Sey's name would be unlikely to get plastered over the front page of tabloid trash because he's always mucho careful to keep his same-sex shenanigans under wraps, ya know, with secret doors and all.

The Hollywood "gay sauna subculture" ain't exactly the hardest scene to uncover, but the players know how to keep their wet ‘n' wild ways under wraps.

And were the press to catch wind?

Seymore keeps journalists in his pocket and a team of legal eagles at the ready to squash any blabbing source the second they pipe up about his penchant for public sex with strange men. And were SPMM to find himself in this particular predicament, he'd have his man lover of the moment twist a story that totally got Sey's toweled toosh out of trouble.

Plus, there's that icey wifey-poo that Seymour keeps at the ready for all his playing house needs and to occasionally speak up on his behalf. Sey would definitely have had his lady drop some tidbits about how happily married they are.

She is in on the act, after all.

Hell, John's got the upper hand on Seymour, way up! None of his scandalous goss in the past has been taken seriously by the majority of his fans. Why should they change their minds, now?

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