Anita Bugge/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
Is Venetia Vag-O-Matic Megan Fox?
—Kassie
Dear Les-Me Not:
Nope, Megan is not our vampin', loser-in-love lesbian Venetia. Think far less out there with her sexuality. As for Miss Fox…babe's Vice slate is clean!
Dear Ted:
I just saw a pic of Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder together and was wondering if there is more to them or if they're just friends? So hot! We could call them Somerbrev!
—Jenni
Dear Couple Conundrum:
You and every other Vampire Diaries fan, it seems—which totally works for the CW, doesn't it? Your wish is their command. But don't think they're doing it on the side, sorry.
Dear Ted:
I know you love Kristen Stewart, but I implore you and all the others who follow suit to read what Lainey wrote about K.Stew's interview in Elle U.K. I, who am not a fan of Stew's work or behavior, respect a person's preferences. So it impressed me to see how Lainey, who likes Stewart, was dead-on accurate on the stupidity of her "being famous is like being raped" comparison. If she or anyone else she has ever met had ever been sexually assaulted then she should vow to never speak again. There is no comparison! She has lost all touch with vocabulary if she thinks so. And furthermore, commenting on someone's life when pics of you smoking pot are never brought up in interviews doesn't make you LiLo, but it doesn't make you a Brady Bunch kid either. I only hope that the media frenzy dies down after the Twilight flicks so she won't be interviewed as much, hence stop saying things that are astoundingly dense and hurtful. Maybe if she spoke about Robert Pattinson she wouldn't sound so moronic.
—Issey
Dear Love/Hate:
I'm gonna have to say I was a bit disappointed at the comparison myself. But K.Stew has major word diarrhea—don't think she thought before she spoke. Clearly not her style! Nevertheless, a hideous analogy that needs an apology, pronto.
Dear Ted:
Al Gore and Tipper's "surprising" split made me remember your innuendos about the Bush's marriage. Do you think they will separate, or has their time out of the White House been good for their marriage?
—Emily
Dear Not So Clean:
Uh, good isn't the word I would use, babe. Tolerable, maybe. You try being married to one of the more despised men in the world.
Dear Ted:
What do you think of Russell Brand? Everyone knows about his druggie past but what of him now? Is he as reformed as he appears to be? And has he ever been a B.V.?
—Jealous of Katy
Dear Over the Pond:
Brand may still have a bad habit or two, but they're more etiquette-related and less so drugs and sex. Actually, he's very much sober! He's got Katy Perry to keep him on the straight and narrow these days—but is anyone keeping her in check? Just sayin'.
Dear Ted:
The House passed to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"...I think this is a step in the right direction. What do you think?
—Nurs
Dear Political Pauly:
What's with all the heavy questions today? Yeah, it's a very much overdue step in the right direction.
Dear Ted:
In relation to your article about Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgård, I saw a Swedish mag today with the couple on the cover—it was a paparazzi shot for sure—and the headline read that they got married in Stockholm. Is there any truth to this?
—Anderson
Dear Hardly:
Yeah, right.
Dear Ted:
Has Amanda Seyfried ever been a Blind Vice? If so can you please give us a clue on who it might be?
—Sandy
Dear Mean Girl:
That's a negative, actually. Amanda's a good girl…for now.
Dear Ted:
Is Moisty Mohr the douche who goes by Jon Gosselin? After all, he had good ratings and he clearly needs to prove himself after one of his flings spilled on how little heat he's packing.
—Curious in the ATL
Dear Fab Guess:
I wish! But no, Moisty is older and even less attractive.
Dear Ted:
You've probably already answered this question a billion times, but has Katie Holmes ever been a Blind Vice? And what is the youngest B.V. you've ever had?
—Lulu
Dear Not Obvious:
No. 16.
Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber?
—Lola
Dear Sexy Swingers:
That's a guess I've never heard actually. Sorry, babe, you're barking up the wrong tree. Secretia milks her fame far more than Naomi does.
Dear Ted:
Since you're my guru for all these Robsten, can you provide me with some clarity? Is it true that only Kristen and Taylor will be doing the majority of the press junket? Is Rob doing any press in Europe? I know he's filming, but isn't the whole point of Eclipse that it's a steamy triangle? Is Summit content that there's less Rob?
—Melanie
Dear Scheduling Sucks:
R.Pattz will dutifully do his Eclipse promos, but yes, he will be filming a movie on top of that. Summit's accommodating him. But hey, London has Nikki Reed!
Dear Ted:
I just watched Robert Pattinson's ad for the MTV Movie Awards and I thought it was hilarious! And I thought it was cute.
—Cassidy
Dear Agreed:
Also thought it was the hottest he's looked in some time. Use that dirt, baby! And Tom Cruise's best acting to date, fyi.