Warning: You may need a cold shower after reading the Week in Review, that's how obsessed with sex and sexiness it is. Or a hot shower, to cleanse yourself after indulging in all the dirt.
Either way, you're probably gettin' in the shower.
NO ANGEL: Ugh, another one bites the dust, like a vampire with a stake through its heart. At least David Boreanaz nipped his cheating scandal in the bud, going straight to the People interview (even reasonably "still angry" wife Jaime Bergman joined in) before we had to waste time writing "alleged cheater" in endless speculative articles. There really is a mistress (not Rachel Uchitel, though!) and, once again, Gloria Allred is all up in this business.
ALL GROWN UP: Miley Cyrus' "Can't Be Tamed" video premiered exclusively on E! News and E! Online, and y'all had plenty to say about the 17-year-old's sexy avian antics. The Last Song star also opened up to E! News' Ryan Seacrest about the making of the video and how her loved ones reacted to her untamable side.
GHOST OF IMMODESTY PAST: Our Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett admits to making a sex tape when she was an impressionable 18 years old. She'd prefer it remain an old-news lapse in judgment and not a feature DVD release, of course, but what adult-film company is going to abide by that wish?
HASSELBECKED: As if Erin Andrews didn't already go through enough, now she's got Decency Police Lt. Elisabeth Hasselbeck chastising her for showing too much skin on Dancing With the Stars. You know, the show were Edyta Sliwinska walks around nothing but string and legwarmers. But the immutable Hasselbeck ended up the chastened one when all of Erin's DWTS pals, including partner Maks, piled onto The View host's comments, prompting her to tearfully apologize. And, last we looked, Erin was dancing in long-sleeved sequins and a scoop neck, so nyah!
RELIEVED: Though she's concerned about losing her down-home fanbase, Chely Wright is feeling ever so much more at peace with herself since revealing that she's a lesbian. We look forward to the day when "coming out" isn't viewed as a risk anymore.
LOST CAUSE: Nooooooooo! Daniel Dae Kim tells Watch With Kristin all about it.
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING: Sandra Bullock's doing great! says George Lopez.
FAREWELL: We mourn true thespian Lynn Redgrave, who lost her battle with breast cancer at 67...R.I.P. Helen Wagner, 91, of As the World Turns.
ON THE MEND: Bret Michaels was released from the hospital and will make a 100 percent recovery, according to his doc, who called the rocker "one of those lucky people." Weirdly enough, even before his string of health scares, Michaels had recorded the just-released single, "Wasted Time."
COSTUME PARTY: Oodles of dressed-to-the-nines celebs packed into the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala once again, and E! was all over it, analyzing every thread of fashion, both good and bad...Also in NYC, Tony noms and Tom Colicchio earning Outstanding Chef honors from the James Beard Foundation!
BOMBSHELLACKED: Pamela Anderson is apparently unloved by people who don't live in beach communities and was voted off of Dancing With the Stars. Her castmates are gonna miss her, though.
RAP SESSION: Conan O'Brien talked Jay Leno, The Tonight Show and his future plans during an atypically serious sit-down on 60 Minute.
TEXT CASE: Michelle "Bombshell" McGee says Jesse James was still returning her texts after he and Sandra Bullock picked up adopted son Louis in New Orleans, but never told her about the baby.
SACKED: NFL Hall of Famer and so-so Dancing WIth the Stars contestant Lawrence Taylor pleaded not guilty to having sex with a 16-year-old prostitute, who alleges that her pimp beat her up and forced her to sleep with the two-time Super Bowl winner. Nutri-System immediately lost its taste for Taylor, dropping him as a spokesman pronto.
MUDDY WATERS: Kenny Chesney lost his house to rising floodwaters in Nashville, where the Grand Ole Opry stage sat under 2 feet of water and Keith Urban, Brad Paisley, Michelle Branch, Vince Gill and many more lost irrplaceable equipment. Their losses were minor, though, compared to the statewide devastation, and a number of country stars gathered for a telethon Thursday night. Taylor Swift forked over $500,000 for relief efforts. Local businessman Jack White is donating Saturday's sales from his Third Man Records to the cause. Ke$ha planned a benefit concert.
ALL MAN: Chaz Bono has officially made the switch, legal name change and all.
WILL SHE STAY OR WILL SHE GO?: Brooke Mueller's got her own pad, but still no plan to divorce Charlie Sheen, her lawyer says. As for Sheen, who has given up primary custody of his daughters to Denise Richards...he just wants money, though he has taken the time to hire a family attorney.
OUCH!: Vanessa Carlton was bitten by a neighbor's dog near her father's house. She's fine, but here's hoping that dog is only a one-hit wonder.
EMCEE: Jimmy Fallon will host the 62nd Annual Emmy Awards, airing August 29 on NBC.
CONGRATS: Seth Green married Clare Grant at a private vineyard in Northern California...Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their vows at their Beverly Hills home.
A COUPLA WHAT?: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart admitted they were dating in order to deter Oprah from asking questions about their relationship? Hey, K.Stew only vowed she would never talk about her personal life in public, not backstage to appease the Big O.
MANLY MEN: Vote now on who you think is the Last Real Man in Hollywood, as brought to you by the Awful Truth. The bracket has already gone from 64 to 32, losing Robert Downey Jr. in the process, so get in there and have some respect for manhood, will ya?!
YOU CUT ME!: Lady Gaga expressed her ire at Fox for shaving a minute and a half from her pretaped American Idol performance of "Alejandro." Jury's still out on whether better editing would have helped the cause, or whether the entire performance was best left on the cutting-room floor.
JUDICIAL POTENTIAL?: American Idol mentor Harry Connick Jr., be it his schtick or his tunes, was wonderful—and Simon-replacement-worthy—this week, according to castoff Aaron Kelly.
LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS: Were people actually concerned that Kim Kardashian, 29, and Justin Bieber, 16, were dating? We're not sure what's worse, the death threats Kim got or the very idea of them dating.
UNEXPECTED DELIVERY: Jeffrey Dean Morgan and his apparently pregnant girlfriend Hilarie Burton welcomed a son...Bethenny Frankel and hubby Jason Hoppy welcomed a son a few weeks before his due date. Jill Zarin tweeted the news first, giving new NYC housewife Jennifer Gilbert a chance to find out exactly WTF is wrong with these people.
LAW & ORDER: Attempted burglary at Malcolm David Kelley's house...Orlando Bloom will testify against his Pretty Wild alleged burglar...No charges for Jesse James or his friendly neighborhood paparazzo...Chris Brown's is coming along fine...Gabrielle Union sued by Dwayne Wade's estranged wife for allegedly getting sexy with the NBA star in front of their kids...Lindsay Lohan was deposed in her wild ride lawsuit...David Letterman attempted extortionist sentenced to two years in prison...Jason Wahler gets a couple days behind bars for DUI.
POSTMORTEM: Corey Haim died of pneumonia and a bad heart, according to the final autopsy report.
HOLLYWOODLAND: Breaking Dawn coming atcha on Nov. 18, 2011...X-Men: First Class comes first, June 3, 2011...Will Smith -is onboard for Men in Black 3, which will be shot in 3-D to further help Smith "make this look good"...Kristen Stewart says On the Road is happening...Patrick Dempsey's oiling up for Transformers 3...Iron Man 2 hasn't topped The Dark Night yet...Muse headlines the Eclipse soundtrack...Check out the trailer for George Clooney's charming-hit-man rom-dram, The American...and the confounding Super 8 trailer...and the point-making Machete trailer.
SEEN: Halle Berry on the beach with her daughter and holding hands with a new dude...Heidi Klum on vacay in Mexico, where she and Seal will rerenew their vows this weekend... Scott Disick on daddy duty...Khloé Kardashian Odom talking honeymoons... Paris Hilton talking to Benji Madden and ignoring Doug Reinhardt while out partying in L.A....Mischa Barton expounding on classiness at a book party...Dina Lohan accompanying Lindsay to alcohol-education class and a club...Various Dancing With the Stars peeps dining, drinking and dancing...Literally bronzed Pam Anderson...Gavin Rossdale shopping...John Mayer playing tennis...Shia LaBeouf and Carrie Mulligan at a Dodgers game...Jenny McCarthy dining and smooching a new guy in Vegas...Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover of Marie Claire...Eric Dane, his abs, his baby and wife Rebecca Gayheart on the cover of Us Weekly.
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Mother's Day is upon us, so take a peek at Halle, Sandra and all the other Single Supermoms in our gallery.