Tiger Woods

REUTERS/Joe Skipper

Dear Ted:
OK, explain this to me. Why is it OK for the media to "out" people like Tiger and Jesse for their behavior but Toothy Tile is immune to this? Seems like a bad double standard to me.

Dear Interesting Point:
Well, basically, it is. But I guess cheating is the lesser of two evils—in puritanical America's eyes. A lot of guys like Toothy and the rest of Hollywood's closeted gang would be professionally destroyed if their true sexuality was revealed—and they know it. Look at Tiger, he's already back at the Masters and doing just fine. What kind of crap is that?

Dear Ted:
What has Princess Gold-Zinger been up to lately?

Dear Oldie but Goodie:
She's been slightly under the radar. Slaying men like usual though, don't worry. She'll be back in the spotlight as soon as one of her next victims is more famous.

Dear Ted:
You said Nevis Devine was headed to rehab, for what, drugs or alcohol?

Dear Gateway:
Don't drugs quickly follow alcohol when you're in that kind of lifestyle? Already have with our naughty Nevis.

Dear Ted:
Just a suggestion: I noticed something today. After you posted the Robsten piece, the kiddies who had been smothering the Bitch-Back to the point that it became impossible to sift through to find a comment on the other fourteen items, they all shifted over to the solo Robsten piece. If you have the choice of articles ready to go, how about posting the Twilight stuff first so the kiddies will have a place to call home for the day and give everybody else a chance. Just a thought.

Dear Head Honcho:
Geez you want to run the column, too? Much love!

Dear Ted:
I own five cats, they weren't rescued but they're very loved all the same. I have three guesses for Nelly Fang: I feel like it really should be Ian Somerhalder and I don't know if that's from watching him in Life as a House. Or I think it might be Paul Wesley, his Vampire Diaries costar. My final guess is David Boreanaz he may be on Bones now, but, I feel he fits the description. Just let me know if I'm close!

Dear Hogger:
In the order you asked: Super close, less close, cold as Nicole Kidman's heart.

Dear Ted:
While playing six degrees of separation with the CW (again!), I remembered that Jared Padalecki got his start on Gilmore Girls where he and Chad Michael Murray first acted together. I remember reading once upon a time that these two were close. Is this still the case? I only ever hear about him being buddy buddy with Jensen Ackles these days. If not, was there a falling out. Love your column, by the way.

Dear Too Bad Chad:
Jared and Jensen's bromance was fate, need I say more?

Dear Ted:
I keep wondering, who has more to hide, based on their Blind Vices, Jake G. or Angie? Angie seems more sneaky. Sending hugs to your furry friends.

Dear Vice is a Vice:
They're both sneaky. But I would say Saint Jolie has more to lose. Much.

Dear Ted:
What's Fey-Oiled Tush been up to recently? Haven't heard from him a in a while, did he sort out the problem with his personal pilot?

Dear Flight Control:
Uh, hardly. Still working on that little prob, by the by.

Dear Ted:
Where on Earth are Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds?! They're hot, successful, talented but I don't see them anywhere together! Not even at events. What's the deal here, Ted, something's not right.

Dear Agreed:
Usually I applaud babes who keep out of the Hollywood spotlight together. But I agree, something's off. Perhaps because they both make somewhat regular appearances and it's never together, as you mention. If they were constantly in hiding together, that would make much more sense.

Dear Ted:
What's your opinion on the battle between Kristen Stewart and Carey Mulligan for the role in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?

Dear Hard to Say:
I'm actually a big fan of both babes. Need to read the book first, then decide. Is it good?

Dear Ted:
I am saddened by the news of Dennis Hopper's health, and appalled to read about the family infighting that appears to be occurring before the great actor has even passed. What's the real story here? Is his wife so evil that he must divorce her in order to protect his life? Or is it true that his daughter is so evil that she would drag her ailing and mentally unaware father through a court battle just so she can inherit more of the Hopper fortune? If you don't answer, I'll assume that you don't like the idea of an American icon dying of cancer in the midst of a Jerry Springer episode, and don't want to give this awful situation any more press. Fair enough.
wicked stepmother

Dear Straight to the Point:
Let me ask you something: This kind of crap goes on fairly often (just like it did, essentially, with Aaron Spelling's death, for just one example). But suddenly it's particularly irksome 'cause it's Hopper? Death and ill health have never stopped the Hollywood set from infighting and avarice—in fact, the opposite usually occurs.

Dear Ted:
Anna Paquin
said she was bisexual. So, isn't it also possible that someone like Topher Hairy-Tuchus is bisexual as well?

Dear Determined:
Are some of our BV regulars bisexual? Sure. But I don't believe that's the case for Topher. He likes men. That's all there is to it. Some times we just have to be strong and face these things.


For more bitchin' head to our Bitch-Back! section.

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