Bitch-Back! Team Taylor Fights Back!

Readers bitch that Ted’s too hard on Lautner and his yummy tummy

Dear Ted:
I'm totally Team Robsten, but I wish you would give Taylor a break. The guy is young and, sure, he's got sexy abs, but he's just starting his career. So he became famous thanks to Twilight, but so did Rob and Kristen! I agree that there was no chemistry between him and Taylor Swift, on or offscreen, but there's definitely chemistry between him and Kristen! Don't hate the wolf, he might bite...
—T

Dear Lay Off:
Exactly—he's just starting what he hopes will be a long-term career, so it's important that he defines himself for the right reasons. Abs can only get cutie Taylor so far, he needs some acting chops to balance the obvious hottie factor in order to be taken seriously. Or don't you agree?

Dear Ted:
Thanks to you, now whenever I read about a celebrity split, I start trying to match the ex-couple with various Blind Vices. I just read about Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes separating. Now I just love her to pieces, so could you please tell me if she (or they) was ever a B.V. or if you are as surprised and saddened as I am?
—Agusta

Dear Down:
I wasn't exactly surprised. Saddened, yes, 'cause I love Kate (never met Sam). But I remember very clearly discussing nudity and sex in movies with Kate when she won the Oscar last year for The Reader. She was strangely complacent and a bit blasé about the effect that love scenes with other men (including longtime onscreen heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio) had on her marriage. She was almost clinical about it, saying it was all in a day's work. I remember thinking at the time, jeez, not even a blush! Was weird.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from Ireland! The press over in the U.K. are a little extreme. Check this out. Do you think that Rob is maybe a lot less "aw shucks, I am nothing special" than he appears. I am really warming to Kristen after a shaky start and think she will go far, but something about him is making me think he is a little conceited without the talent to back it up. Will this cause problems between the two?
—Lolly

Dear Brit Lit:
Rob definitely plays the humble card well, but don't think he doesn't know how big of a star he's becoming. That said, take the report with a grain of salt—neither Rob nor K.Stew is rushing down the aisle yet.

Dear Ted:
Could Nevis possibly be Adrian Grenier? He's totally not beefy. 
—Sam

Dear Vegetarian:
You're on the right path in terms of body size, but think more relevant. Nevis definitely has a more recognizable name than Grenier.

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to say something in regards to Kendra's recent talk about her postpartum depression. To say that because she felt fat and did not want to look in the mirror, that she had postpartum depression and that she could diagnosis herself because she had been in therapy her whole life is seriously misguided. Mothers with postpartum depression experience much more serious symptoms: like wanting to kill themselves or their children, not being able to bond with their new baby, etc. All new mothers have issues with their postbaby bods, but that does not mean that every new mother is experiencing postpartum depression. To take these issues so lightly is dangerous and trivializes what these new mothers actually go through.
—Ash

Dear Kooky Kendra:
Your point is well taken, but I wouldn't worry about Kendra redefining the medical world and its terminologies. Also, we don't really know the extent of the depression Kendra's 'fessing to, do we? Cut her some slack; she birthed a human being out of her bod, can't be easy!

Dear Ted:
I'm not really an animal person (blame being chased by Great Danes when I was 4), so I can't bribe you that way, but I am volunteering as a teacher in Kenya this summer—does that get me any points? If it does, answer me this: Is Nevis Divine older or younger than Channing Tatum?
—Pat

Dear Give or Take:
Except for the Nevis being more famous part, the roles these two actors play are generally in the same age group. Getting over your doggie phobia will get you more specifics!

Dear Ted:
I'm such a huge fan of both Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling. I think they are both talented and engaging actors with very rewarding careers ahead of them, and I hope they get back together someday. I know you have predicted it's not going to happen, but an avid fan can only hope! Now on to my question: Are Rachel or Ryan Blind Vicers?
—Erin

Dear I'm With You:
But then I've always wanted Justin and Britney to get back together, too, know what I mean? Vice-wise, Rachel, nope, and Ryan so should be, but not yet! Soon!

Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Jeremy Renner? Just a wild guess. Love you!
—MM

Dear Love U Back:
Looks like you've been paying attention to the goss lately. But no, J.R. is not our Nevis. Nevis has never been nominated for as big of an award as Jeremy, but he sure would love to be.

Dear Ted:
Not being in the Biz, I don't have an understanding of the workings of a production company. But I feel like I could run Summit better than they do. They seem to think the Twilight saga is just automatically going to make them money and keep them afloat, whether the fans are happy or not. And don't get me started on the poor PR decision regarding their stars and releases like Remember Me. If I can see this from the outside, what are the insiders, money people and share holders thinking? Do they answer to anyone or are they really omnipotent?
—Sally

Dear Insider Dish:
Hmmm, did you mean omnipotent or impotent? The problem is that the Twilight movies will automatically make Summit money. There's too many fans that will see the flicks no matter how good or, more likely, totally crappy they are. If Summit had to worry about the films actually performing, they might make better decisions behind the scenes.

Dear Ted:
What happened with Lady Gaga passing out on stage? She looked like she was on drugs, or was it because she doesn't eat?
—R.W.

Dear Stage Fright:
Gaga has been vocal about her drug use being in her past, and while I am concerned about how quickly and drastically she has slimmed down, I think her perplexing performance can be attributed to exhaustion. The girl is hardworking, no one can deny that, but she needs to give herself a break every now and then.

Dear Ted:
News of Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes' split made me remember a random comment you made a while back. It was something like "yuck" or "ick" in reference to them as a couple. At the time, I made a mental note to remember that when they broke up. Did you just not like them together, or were they not a real couple? Would love for you to elaborate, because I know you know the good stuff.
—Lisa

Dear Couples Counseling:
Can't quite remember what you're referring to, but I adore K.W., and the couple have always been able to keep a low profile (probably because she's classy and he's not a star—at least not one people gossip about), but to be quite frank, I think Kate's totally hot, and I've thought this for some time. Kinda always wanted to see her with somebody equally bitchin', heat-wise.

Dear Ted:
Does Toothy Tile read your column? If so, how does he feel about being such a popular Blind Vice? It always makes me sad to think that he has to live a double life. I couldn't imagine how awful it would be if I had to pretend I wasn't with my husband when we were out in public.
—Ellen

Dear Popularity Contest:
Yes. Loves it. He's sad, too. Don't even start.

Dear Ted:
Maybe Jake Pavelka wanted the young airhead because he knew he could control her better since he has his heart set on H'wood. With Vienna, he has no pretensions of married bliss and little Jakesters can run the house while in H'wood. Maybe the runner-up was too mature to go through this and got dumped? Could J.P. be the Jon Gosselin of the friendly skies?
—Linda

Dear Bachelor Bomb:
Don't forget tho that J.G. was the one who got bossed around by über-mommy Kate, and we all saw how well that worked out. I'm sure Jake and Vienna aren't as serious as the infamous parents, but still goes to show that control issues never create a lasting relaysh.

Dear Ted:
Summit has never strayed too far from the books? Are you kidding? They had Carlisle say, "Stop, Edward, you're killing her" during the bloodsucking scene, when the whole frigging point of that scene was that Edward loved Bella enough to resist the excruciating desire for her blood. That's the most egregious text mauling we've seen so far, but both movies were riddled with unnecessary departures from the actual text. Bleh. I get so tired of that crap—defiling the mythology of a creative world for what?
—Enya

Dear Hello:
Oh not for much, just a total worldwide gross—so far—of $1,092,058,287.