Bitch-Back! Bad Marriages and Good Gays!

Readers wonder why TV doesn’t have any good LGBT characters, plus whose marriages are for real

Dear Ted:
In the midst of all the lies and fakery that come with Hollywood marriages, it's always seemed to me that Heidi Klum and Seal and Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres are the real deal. Am I seeing this right? I know no marriage is perfect, but these two couples really seem to be in love.
—Katie

Dear Love:
They are. And, true, it is a rarity that couples who are genuinely happy (or honest) in H'wood ever get much celebration—so let's give it to these two! Certainly compared to their battling peers—both gay and straight—these two power couples have their priorities straight. As it were.

Dear Ted:
Comment on your "Girls Can Go Gay" post. If Toothy Tile, Grey Goose or any other actor/actress decided to come out of the closet, I would definitely support them. Unlike most narrow-minded individuals, I focus more on their acting rather than their orientation. Talking about the topic, I am seriously worried about Gossip Girl and 90210 using girl-on-girl action to boost ratings. Do you have any deets about what's going behind the scenes? I honestly hope the CW isn't taking advantage of guys liking les action. I only wish shows like The L Word were still on air so that the LGBT had a more positive influence on the community.
—D

Dear Advocate:
Doll, TV shows like GG will do anything for ratings—but apparently it's not working, because the ratings are dropping huge-time and the show is becoming a complete bore. The problem is that most LGBT-friendly shows are on pay channels and not prime time basic cable. 'Tho we are starting to get some good characters, like on Modern Family and Glee.

Dear Ted:
Would Chris Evans be a good guess for Nevis Divine? His last name can be rearranged to Nevas which is sort of close to Nevis. Also, does the "Divine" part have anything to do with Divine, the star of Hairspray? Hang in there!
—Limi

Dear Word Play:
A for effort, but superstud Evans isn't our bisexual babe. Think less beefy. Like, lots.

Dear Ted:
I recently read in a gossip mag that Jessica Simpson and Ryan Phillippe have been texting and are planning to "get together" soon. Any truth to this? Looks like he's wanting him some of that "napalm."
—Kelly

Dear Sexter:
We wouldn't put it past Ryan to go after a babe like Jess. After all, he has been hitting the town lately—and in the process hitting on any hottie who will have him. Hey, at least we know that if he's going to hop about the Simpson train, he'll be well-prepared.

Dear Ted:
J. Ackles and J. Padalecki seem to be the perfect good ol' Texas boys: good with their mama, nice with their coworkers, sweet and truly in love with their lovely wife/fiancée, and always friendly with their fans. But you've written that they're both Blind Vice stars, so there must be something more than meets the eyes. Your most faithful Supernatural readers have religiously studied your BVs, but there're still so many possibilities that it makes our collective head hurt. So could you please tell us in which Vice category these fine gentlemen have acted: relationship/sex life (with GF, BF, random hookup, animals or whoever), unhealthy habits (booze, drugs and rock 'n' roll), or questionable behind-the-scenes behaviors. If you're generous enough to give us this clue, we might be able to narrow down the list to around 50 possible BVs.
—Aubrey

Dear Supergirl:
Who says it has to be limited to one category? Some of these stars are so terribly impressive they have a couple of Vices.

Dear Ted:
I rescued two stray kittens around October last year: two black cats, Salem and Sabrina! So you think you could hook me up with some info? Have we ever seen Toothy's baby? And what happened to Crescent Kumquat? And is Nevis Devine on regular television? So may questions so just answer what you can. I'll send pics of the kitties to prove it. I love you, you handsome stud!
—Curious

Dear Question Overload:
C.K. has been flying under the radar lately. He's been more focused on nailing his acting roles than nailing D.L. dudes. As for Nevis—I'm sure you've seen him on your TV before. Often.

Dear Ted:
Thanks for your advocacy of pet adoption. With more than 12 million animals being euthanized each year because homes can't be found for them, it's downright irresponsible and immoral to buy a pet and/or have a designer dog manufactured for you. Now that's off my chest...what's the deal with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? They can't muster even an ounce of chemistry between them and seem more like brother and sister than spouses. Any scoop, or should we try to figure out which BV (or BVs) is theirs?
—Susan

Dear Dubious Duo:
This relaysh boggles my mind as much as yours. But boy, can those two blab about how much they are completely in love with each other. 'Tho lately Nick has been minding his words when discussing his whimsy wife.

Dear Ted:
So Robsten is back on; I just watched your post, and coyly you say, "Not now anyway." Ted, let's get real: They're 19 and 23 and admittedly rebellious, which makes them also a bit immature. It's exciting to piss people off at this age, but really, growing old with a boyfriend you met at 17, started dating at 18 or 19? I know you're probably afraid to say it, but come on, this relationship is doomed strictly on age and maturity factor.
—C

Dear Pessimist:
K.Stew, at least, is quite mature for her age—don't let her media nerves make you think otherwise. She's a smart gal with an already very knowing head on her shoulders. Who knows where the couple will end up, but right now, they're totally into each other.

Dear Ted:
Totally random but who do you think has had a better career after their divorce: Jessica Simpson or Nick Lachey?
—GeAnn

Dear Ex-Factor:
Jessica, duh. Let's be honest, though: Newlyweds was the height of both of their careers. And while Jess's country career may have kicked out before it even began, she's made plenty of dough off her business empire. Nick on the other hand? I don't think a guest spot on One Tree Hill really counts as success.

Dear Ted:
Jada Pinkett-Smith played a lesbian in two movies (Set It Off and The Women) and kissed a chick in another (one of the Matrix sequels), so is this confirmation that she plays for the other team?
—Proof

Dear Naïve:
Oh, you mean just like Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep are having a mad, passionate affair?

Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine an A-lister?
—Genie

Dear Status Check:
Depends who you ask. He's definitely well-known.

Dear Ted:
Are Lea Michele and Mark Salling dating? I recently saw pictures of them together and they definitely look like a couple. Any gossip?
—Glee Fan

Dear Gleeful:
The Glee cast is a bunch of young, hot kids starting to make it in Hollywood—with all those hormones on set there's bound to be some naughty behind-the-scenes antics. Consider them the Twilight bunch of the small screen.

Dear Ted:
What has Me-Me Dallas been up to? Are she and Tobey Yum Yum still together?
—Katie

Dear Teen Beat:
Not exactly. Me-Me's heart is currently occupied elsewhere. But that one won't last and Tobey will then again be one of Me-Me's preferred boy-toys.