In fact, the singer exposes so much (and we're not just referring to the cover), that after reading the article himself, John tweeted: "I'm still not sure if I would want to hang out with me."
While the discussion of his ex, Jennifer Aniston, comes across as heartfelt and sincere—"I've never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life"—the rest pretty much screams TMI.
Among the, for lack of a better term, highlights…
• "All I want to do now is f--k the girls I've already f--ked, because I can't fathom explaining myself to somebody who can't believe I'd be interested in them."
• "Like, you need to have them [girlfriends] be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?"
• "I am the new generation of masturbator. I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week."
• "First of all, I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It's like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath."
We, on the other hand, now simply need to take a shower.
Should John continue to be included in our What a Douche! gallery?