Bitch-Back! Breaking News—Johnny's a Hottie

Johnny Depp wins People's Sexiest Man Alive, no shock to readers

By Ted Casablanca Nov 21, 2009 3:02 PMTags
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Dear Ted:
A.T. is part of my early morning ritual, helping me start the day on a light (or juicy) note before diving into work. Johnny Depp as People's Sexiest is fine by me—he's certainly doable and sexy—but what in the world has he done to his face? I swear I didn't even recognize him in that picture. What do you make of the recent changes to his face, and do you think he can tell how strange he looks? I've got nothing against fillers and corrective treatments—if they're done right the results can be rejuvenating and natural-looking—but it seems like so many stars go overboard or get terrible work done. Why is that? You'd think a big star would be choosier and go to the best. Also, why would People choose such a terrible photo for the cover and why would his people approve that ugly mug shot? Thanks!
Kitty

Dear Depp Be-Gone:
I think the front pic isn't all that bad; it's pretty hard to make Depp look ugly.

Dear Ted:
I have some questions regarding Bradley Cooper. I get the feeling that he is a colossal egomaniac. There are never pictures of him out with friends. Does he have famous friends, and if so, who are they? I don't think he is gay, but there is something about his personality he is hiding from us, am I right?
Emma 

Dear Hermit Crab:
Coop isn't showing his true self, that's for sure. Totally doable, as he may be.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if you ever get threatened by publicists whenever you publish a Blind Vice or other items rendering a particular celebrity's image suspicious. Aren't you worried for your safety? I admire you for putting the truth out there, or at least the best you can.
Big Fan

Dear Worrywart:
You've got no idea, babe! I'm more concerned about a backlash of Twilight fans than publicists, though. They're toughass mothers!

Dear Ted:
OK, you've given us a list of 12 guys who are not Toothy Tile. How about a list of 12 guys who are not Nevis Devine? Love ya.
Salrob 

Dear Trying Easy:
Nevis has a few more years to go until he reaches the legendary status of Toothy. I'll think about it, though. Good idea.

Dear Ted:
I'm gonna bitch. I have read you forevah but you have to stop the jumping to the next page to continue reading a storyline. It truly is fubar and takes way too long to load. (And I usually never complain about a delayed load! LOL) Love you, love the furbabies, mine's a rescued lab that has more love in his eyes than a queen has mirrors. (Scorpios are awesome, right, Ted?)
KikiTopaz

Dear Calm Down:
Love you, hon, but can't change it! It keeps the suspense up, doesn't it? Plus, then you'd only be able to see about three stories at a time on the page 'cause it would be so long.

Dear Ted:
I just need to say that the whole Taylor Lautner-Taylor Swift history is a little weird! I mean the Taylor-Selena Gomez-Taylor triangle is freaking odd! Personally I think Selena and Taylor were so adorable together! I can't believe that's all "OK" when you hook up with you friend's ex!
Patriv

Dear Puppy Love Triangle:
It's Hollywood, almost anything goes. Again, maybe it's no big deal because one of those pairings ain't for real.  

Dear Ted:
Did you see the trailer out for Remember Me? Robert Pattinson looks amazing and his acting is just brilliant! There's wit yet angst and a whole lot more. Are you interested in watching Rob in a role that's outside the whole "fantasy" realm? I'm really looking forward to seeing him play the big brother in the movie. Though I got to admit, as silly as it sounds, it's weird (for the time being) seeing Rob onscreen with someone other than Kristen Stewart.
Tammy

Dear Acting Path:
Thought the trailer looked pretty good too, darlin'. I'm very curious to see R.Pattz outside of the Twilight realm. Wonder if he'll do as well as K.Stew has?

Dear Ted:
More a statement than a question, Kristen Stewart has to be one of the most underrated actresses in Hollywood. Having just left one showing of New Moon and gone straight back into the next—something I've never done before—I have to say I'm completely blown away. Admittedly everyone does a good job and the chemistry between K.Stew and R.Pattz is red hot as always, but she is absolutely hypnotic and she is growing into such a beautiful woman. I've always been a fan but she just keeps getting better and better with every role. No wonder she has Rob so completely under her spell!
Wendy 

Dear Rose-Colored Glasses:
I thought her acting carried most of New Moon, not gonna lie. Love the girl, but she's still got a ways to go before she's Oscar-worthy. Looking forward to The Runaways.

Dear Ted:
Heard about you only because of Twilight (sorry, different continents), but I think you are honest enough. I like that you make us read between the lines. So...honestly enough—do you think it will last between them? Or is it just an on-set thing? And what did you think about the Remember Me trailer? It actually surprised me. Oh God, I hope the movie is as good as it looks. CET—guess what it means and you'll know which continent!
Zrink

Dear True Love:
Agreed, I was pleasantly surprised, too! I wish Emilie was taller. Sorry, but that's gonna bug me through the whole movie. Did they give her elevator shoes or something?

Dear Ted:
Wouldn't Cillian Murphy make a great Frankie if they remake Rocky Horror?
Jennifer

Dear Murphy Horror:
Sure, if he's crazy enough to do it. Hollywood remakes everything, so why not. But how 'bout R.Pattz? Makes a lotta sense.

Dear Ted:
Remember all those years ago, when Jon Voight went on E! crying about Angelina Jolie's mental health and she froze him out? Given the recent pictures of her, is it clearer what he was so worried about? Or was he just pulling what is now known as "a Michael Lohan"?
Jasmolak 

Dear Good Question:
Voight is a more mature Michael Lohan. They have similar ways about them, but at the end of the day Jon is way less self-absorbed. Which is why Angie's giving him a chance, prob. 

Dear Ted:
Do you think that Robsten will buy a home in the near term? Or will they continue to live out of hotels? Hope you had a grand time Monday evening!
Statcat 

Dear Take It Slow:
They still haven't officially told us that they're together, so I'm not expecting a grand moving-in-together gesture. What's next, K.Stew has to get knocked up?

Dear Ted:
What's going on with Miss Nikki Reed? Is she still with Paris Latsis or was that just a temporary fix? Also, are you sure she and Kristen aren't tight these days? In a recent Vanity Fair article, to describe Kristen she says "my heart." Sounds like a special relationship to me? At times I feel bad for the chick, ya know, she puts it out there but seems to take it at the same time. BTW Kristen on Jimmy Fallon, priceless! She's such a badazz, that's why we love her! More on Judas Jack-Off/Dashed Dingle-Dream please, I'm getting kinda hooked on that one too!
Cross-Starred

Dear Reed Up:
Clearly I'm coming around to your side of things. I think the two are friends but definitely not as close as they used to be. Sure, they have something special, though.

Dear Ted:
Just want to put this out there: Emilie de Ravin is a sweetheart. She's been through a lot of crap on the Roswell set—fans signed a petition to deport her because her character was in a love triangle with the male lead—and she was treated badly and endured endless bitchery from her female castmates (one of them was Katherine Heigl so you know what I'm talking about). Please leave her out of the Twilight craziness. I know you like to tease the crazy fans, but enough is enough.
Tess 

Dear Bitches on Set:
Totally agree with you. Don't think Emilie should be roped into Rob-dramz.

Dear Ted:
Spill it! What exactly is Angie's "mystery diet"? Heroin? Coke? Or just skipping sustenance all together?
Valove

Dear Emo:
Do you want me to get fired?

Dear Ted:
I'm a loyal reader and visit your site at least five times a day. Just wondering, do you ever secretly post messages on the E! Online Message Boards? And which B.V. star would you like your readers to ask more questions about?
Curious 

Dear Wonderin':
No, it's your show. And I must confess I have a soft spot for Lloyd Boy-Toyed. We have not seen the last of him, not by a long shot.

Dear Ted:
I saw New Moon last night, and it was awesome, but the best part was Jacob, oh my god! That boy is hot! And you are totally right, for a moment I was Team Jacob, until of course Edward came out and made me forget about those amazing abs. But to those Twi-haters, you have to see it, it is a great movie. So Ted, what did you think of it? Was it better for you than Twilight?
Pfuente 

Dear Team New Moon:
I thought it was better than Twilight. I also thought Bella was an idiot for not locking lips with that hunk o' man!

Dear Ted:
I'm sitting here watching my TiVo'd Oprah with Penélope Cruz and Nicole Kidman looking all buddy-buddy. Didn't Penélope's fling with Tom Cruise start while Nicole was still married to him? Are these two women making all nice for the cameras or do they really get along?
Ellen from RI

Dear Catfight:
Are you absolutely sure Tom Cruise is worth fighting over, at this point?

Dear Ted:
At the GQ party, Alexander Skarsgård was directly asked if he is seeing anyone and said that the only women in his life are his mom and his sister. He's sweet, don't you think? I always figured he was too good for the low-rent likes of Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Bosworth. Who would you like to see him with, Ted?
Daria 

Dear Matchmaker:
Neither of those two girls, I can tell ya that much. Someone with a better rep around town. Nice, sweet, but freakish in bed or something.

________

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