True Blood is back! Er, wait, that's not right.
OK, let's try this again: In just nine or 10 short months, True Blood returns to HBO for season three, but to tide us over during the looong wait, we've got our hands on a leaked casting call that offers a sneak peek of things to come. (Preproduction is already underway on the new episodes and filming is set to begin in early December.)
Where's Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) been taken? Are there any familiar faces from the books in episode one of season three? And who's the new girl banging Eric (Alexander Skarsgård)? Here's what we can tell you...
Shape-shifters and strippers and rednecks, oh my! The next season of True Blood has a veritable menagerie of supernatural Southern weirdness in store for us!
Vampires: Sookie's (Anna Paquin) fiancé-to-be Bill was kidnapped in the season-two finale, and when we pick up season three, we'll find him in the company of a courtly vampire named Talbot (as well as a quaint old Southern lady named Olivia). Talbot, by the way, is dating the vampire king of Mississippi. Ruh-roh! Other new vampires will include a looker named Franklin Mott, who takes a liking to Tara (Rutina Wesley).
Werewolves? If Alcide Herveaux, the werewolf introduced in Charlaine Harris' Club Dead novel, is anywhere to be seen in the season-three premiere of True Blood, he's hiding under an assumed name. We do, however, have a possible dog we can offer you. And no, not the misbehaving Lothario kind of dog, the shape-shifting-into-a-sweet-mutt kind of dog. In the season-three premiere, titled "A Pack of Wolves," True Blood goes to Arkansas to find Sam Merlotte's (Sam Trammell) long-lost little brother, Tommy Mickens, and we're probably going to see Tommy's naked rear end, since the casting call notes that butt nudity is required for the role. We smell a sibling shape-shifter!
Zombies? Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) is going to canoodle with a couple of coeds who appear to have bullet holes in their heads. Are they the living dead, or is Jason cuh-razy? Tune in to find out.
Strippers: For those of you invested in Alexander Skarsgård's Eric (and/or in Eric's relationship with Sookie), you should know there's a new girl in the Viking vamp's life. Eric's latest lovah is not going to be the telepathic Merlotte's waitress but instead someone named Yvette, a Czech-born stripper at Fangtasia. Man, nobody's going to like her one bit. Sorry, Yvette!
Rednecks: There's a new gang of crazy white-trash bikers in town who like to assault vampires to feed their V addiction, and when they get their hands on a "vamper" we know and love, they start ripping him apart for the high. To which we can only say: True Blood, step away from the motorcycle clubs—you don't see them putting vampires on Sons of Anarchy, do you?
Are you still a slavering True Blood addict, or did the lackluster final three episodes of last season cure your hunger a little bit?