Gwyneth Paltrow

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Dear Ted:
With all your talk about Brad/Angelina and Ben Affleck/Jennifer Garner, it got me thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow. Since she was in serious relationships with both Brad and Ben, I wondered what went wrong? Is it because she is so difficult, or did Brad have wandering eyes even back then, and was Ben too spineless for her? And what is the state of her union with Chris Martin?

Dear Pissed Off Paltrow:
Hmmm, why do you have me suddenly channeling the numbers 6, 6, 6 and Gywnie-poo simultaneously? You're right, something devilish sure is up with her—wonder if Chris Martin will be the next to succumb her witchy ways? I still think Martin's music's pretty good, but there sure are a lotta folks who don't agree. And heaven knows it's not easy being Mr. Paltrow—I hear that from many fronts.

Dear Ted:
What is everybody's problem with Katherine Heigl? She's gorgeous, smart and a very good actress! The rest of her is not our problem.

Dear Verbal Diarrhea:
That unstoppable mouth and 'tude of hers is everyone's problem.

Dear Ted:
I'm going to go ahead and say it. I think I know why so many people hate the idea of Rob Pattinson hooking up with Megan Fox last year. They can't believe he could be with "her" and then "settle" for Kristen Stewart. There, I said it. As the mother of a future man, am pissed and saddened that so many people assume men only care about looks in a woman. Megan is pretty, but so is Kristen (like she really needs me to defend her, oh and she didn't need plastic surgery to be so stunning either), and she obviously has something more going on with her other than her looks.

Dear Child Safety:
Did you say mother? Honey, congrats, and I hope you have good security at your house! I don't think being with Kristen is settling at all.

Dear Ted:
You have a very clever, charming way about you. I'm new to your articles, so you may have addressed this: I read what you wrote other day about Austin Nichols and Sofia Bush. You made a lot of references to Jake Gyllenhaal throughout the article. Certain words and phrases made it seem like there is something going on between J.G and A.N. Have they ever been in a Blind Vice, possibly together?

Dear New and Virginal:
Whatever about my wording made you suspicious? Jake has not only been a B.V., he's a superstar, darling!

Dear Ted:
I wanted to say how much I've loved your columns in the last few weeks. I've wondered if your breakup with Jon (his loss) has contributed to your extra bite, but you've got some serious cojones, especially when taking Obama to task for lack of stance on gay rights and winning the Nobel Peace Prize. If I didn't get your daily dose of Robsten dish, it'd be the equivalent of caffeine withdrawal. Keep up the good work and warm fuzzies to your furry kids.

Dear Real-Life Inspiration:
Whose personal life doesn't affect their work? The sassier the better! But I'm OK. It was all for the bitchy best.

Dear Ted:
Ever since I started watching Fringe, I have been positively in love with Joshua Jackson. Anything I should know about him?

Dear History Speaks:
Remember, he used to date Katie Holmes very seriously. Enough said! (Got it?)

Dear Ted:
There was a report of Taylor Lautner visiting Taylor Swift on her special request to attend a concert and tour the city of Chicago. Is there something going on there? It'd be so cute. Plus, it would give our favorite couple, Robsten, a reprieve. Got any news about this new couple?

Dear Tay Squared:
We are so in favor of this, you have no idea! I dunno about you, but I don't go to the Midwest just for its delicious pizza.

Dear Ted:
Is Crotch Uh-lastic Derek Hough?

Dear Crotch Offender:
No! Crotch is famous for a reason. Now apologize to Toothy Jr.

Dear Ted:
I quite agree; Letterman is a schmuck. But I think you are being quite naive. I grew up outside of NYC, and you live in Hollywood. Come on, aren't there routine comments about the casting couch? NYC dames can be tough, in good ways and bad ways. And when they know what they want, they pursue it. It says something that in 20-plus years, no one has sued him for sexual harassment. That aside, I find his behavior despicable. I think he must be a misogynist. If I were the wife, I would take the kid and leave...and yes, I am a woman.
Sweat Pea 

Dear Fight Back With Breasts:
You're saying it's all cool because the chicks were empowering themselves by choice with their boss? Uh, OK. Still don't agree.

Dear Ted:
In your honest opinion, does Robsten have the stuff to last? Are they in love, or is it a matter of convenience for them both?

Dear Sentimental:
Trust me, it has nothing to do with convenience. I do think they have the stuff to last, but I don't think it'll be a stroll in the meadow. Everyone knows this (painfully so).

Dear Ted:
Why are Kristen and Robert still denying their relaysh in some recent magazine interviews? Come on, everyone already knows that they're together, why not just admit it? It's getting ridiculously annoying. It feels like when someone lied right to your face.

Dear Yes and No:
I think they're sticking to avoid, avoid, avoid. Like Kristen's quote to Allure: "There's an article written about it everyday, let's not make another one." Or something like that. Plus, that Rob "I can't get a date" quote was just a recycled old interview. Boring!

Dear Ted:
Why does Michael Lohan use the media to talk about his daughter? Is he trying to extend his 15 minutes and seem like the better parent? I don't why I care so much, but it just bothers me.

Dear Hardly:
If he were actually a good father, chances would be greater Lindsay wouldn't be on the strung-out path she's on right now. Michael and Dina care more about themselves than their kids. It's just sad and true.

Dear Ted:
Here's a list of the 50 highest-grossing films worldwide, before inflation (with references; don't hate). Has Toothy Tile appeared in one of these films?

Dear Sneak Attack:
You forgot to add the link so I don't have to answer! (He wasn't in ET, I'll say that much.)

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