Kristen Stewart, Dazed and Confused Magazine, Inside

David Sherry for Dazed and Confused

Dear Ted:
I'm 100 perfect definitely in love with my BF, but when I started surfing online and was able to see this Twilight phenomenon, I started to get addicted to Kristen Stewart. I can't help myself looking for her latest news. For me, she's so hot, especially when she tries to dress up like on her cover photo shoots. Can you tell me what is her next project after shooting Eclipse and K-11? I'm hoping K.Stew does a movie with Ryan Gosling, they are both hot...probably a story about May-December affair. What do you think?

Dear Gay for K.Stew:
Wow, another doll desiring a Gosling-Stewart onscreen hookup? H'wood execs, you paying attention? And K.S.'s next project after Eclipse will, duh, be Breaking Dawn. If she wants to film anything else, it's gotta work around B.D.'s schedule.

Dear Ted:
What has happened to Katie Holmes' fashion sense? She was revered as a fashion icon only a couple of years ago, and now she is beyond frumpy. In fact, she might be one of the worst dressed stars out there. Do her current outfits echo her state of mind (i.e. help me, I'm trapped in a fake, loveless marriage!)?

Dear Horrible Holmes:
There's a ton of pressure of looking the part of Missus Cruise (times three)—now that everyone's used to her filling that role, she doesn't have to try so hard anymore. Plus, her daughter is stealing her fashion thunder every time they're seen out together anyway.

Dear Ted:  
You know an article was posted about Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth dating and getting cozy. Where are the pictures and facts? I want to see them. If you guys were that smart and understood her tweets, you would know her boyfriend is Nick Jonas. Maybe I should work there. The bottom line is people with these stories are ruining her relationship with him—is that fair to them? What if someone did this to you?

Dear Tween Expert:
Want to intern with us if you know so much? Not everyone who sees a star getting close with someone has a camera on them at the time, or good enough lighting to take a clear shot. Take it with a grain of salt if ya want, but I don't see any photos of Miley and Nick swapping something other than tips for cleaning their purity rings, either, do you?

Dear Ted:
In your latest Bitch-Back, when you were asked about why Kristen Stewart looked so unlike herself on the set of Eclipse, you said that in the book she was superplain. Sorry to say it, but you're wrong. That's just the way she perceived herself; and I don't think Summit is that smart as in portraying that in the movie.

Dear Plain Jane:
Summit's a lot smarter than you think. And we mean Bella's much plainer than real-life K.Stew, who always somehow works an edgy, attention-grabbing outfit when she's out on the red carpet.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Midnight Sun will be published? And do you think Stephenie Meyer will make one or all of the books? I love A.T. I check it very day.

Dear Bookworm:
Thanks for the mouse clicks! And you can rest assured that all of Meyer's books will be optioned off and most likely made as soon as she finishes 'em. Same with J.K. Rowling. These authors have become superstars in their own right—and good on 'em for it! Just wish that bitch Meyer wouldn't give any of it to her precious, amazingly antigay Mormon Church.

Dear Ted:
Want to thank you for your support of dogs in animal shelters. Hopefully others reading your column will realize how many great animals are waiting to be adopted every day. I adore Dancing With the Stars and was wondering if you have dirt on any of the dancers on the show?

Dear Dance Craze:
This not good enough for ya? Well, tell the DWTS producers to get some bigger names on the show—those are the ones with the juiciest stuff to dish, not these barely C-listers.

Dear Ted:
Thank you for telling like it is. I'm talking about those kiss-ass Hollywood big shots that think raping a 13-year-old can be forgotten and forgiven (in that order). Michael Jackson had to die to make him a saint, and now Roman Polanski is a martyr after three days in jail? Do you have any Blind Vices from his Save the Raper club? Wouldn't that be fun and enlightening? P.S.: My husband says there's too much Robsten going on—I tried explaining to him...I know, I know.

Dear Moral Compass:
Fascinating query. And yes, at least one dog Blind Vice alum is a Polanski defender, such the surprise.

Dear Ted:
I am a long time reader. I remember back in the day Brad Pitt was known to shall we say...fragrant? Did he clean up, or is he still stinky?

Dear Smell Ya Later:
He's somewhat cleaned up his act in the last few years, but don't expect if you ever get close enough to smell Brad that you're gonna breathe in the essence of roses and tulips. The dude's all man, just how Angelina likes it. (Surprising, since masculine lovers weren't always her type.)

Dear Ted:  
Is Stinky Carrot-Crotch married? You accidentally failed to mention that.

Dear Ungroomed:
Nope, SCC has never walked down the aisle. But I'm sure he will before long. At least twice.

Dear Ted:
Perka Penis-Player & Schlamm Butt-Wiggle are Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, aren't they? Why even make it a Blind Vice? Now, if they were both sleeping with the same pool boy then that would be something...Have you come up with anything else besides cigarettes yet to satisfy your oral fixation?

Dear Not So Golden:
I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate my love for the always vampin' Goldie. And no, not till I hit Vancouver.

Dear Ted:
I wondered if Jon Gosselin was ever the subject of a Blind Vice? I seem to recall a vice about someone "famous" (for lack of a better word) hanging out with college students and just read something about Jon doing the same.
—Me in S.C.

Dear Unworthy:
If that was Gosselin, we would've just come out and said it. He's done a helluva lot worse that's been reported, and anyway, our Blind Vices are for real stars, not douchebag wannabes.

Dear Ted:
Love your column; you are one of the few that can gossip in a good-hearted way. I wanted to know if Topher Hairy-Tuchus is Colin Farrell. He fits all the clues you have given, and if this is the correct ID then the identity of the "hunky minuteman" should also be interesting.

Dear Keep Guessin':
Sorry! Colin's scot-free from THT's curious sexual ways. Think less dark Irish type, just as cute 'n' hairy.

Dear Ted:
The bizarre denial/deflection blather these child rapist apologists use when you state the plain truth that Roman Polanski took pornographic photos of, drugged and raped a child is nauseating. They sneer that you're being uptight or a vindictive prude and just too, too lowbrow to understand the nuances of this "non-rape-rape." In reality, it's pretty f--king simple: The sky is blue, the Earth is round, and Roman Polanski raped a child. If that makes me a prude, well then pass me the burqa and get on with putting this fugitive pervert in San Quentin where he belongs.

Dear Lowbrow:
It doesn't make you prude, it makes you moral. And if Roman making great films gets him cleared of rape, could one of my fab Truth, Lies & Ted vids get me out of, say, a speeding ticket? Yeah, prob not.

Dear Ted:
I hope you do back off the Robsten speculation, if for no other reason than some of the fanguy/girl postings are getting waaay creepy. Why do people invest so much of themselves and their feelings in something that isn't even remotely related to them? I like a little delish gossip, so I'm no saint, but these folks are crazy. I wish the couple would just come out, so they can become as dull and uninteresting as other couples. Of course, then they'll be mocked for being boring. Can't win!

Dear Creep Show:
The majority of Robstenites are teenagers, give 'em a break. It's the ones that are well into their 30s and beyond that I think Rob and Kristen should be worried about encountering on their nights out. 

Dear Ted:

Every day the only posts which gets some hits are the one about Robsten...Each article generates 1,000 comments: 500 saying they are together, 500 saying they are not together. Some about cupcakes (?!?). So my question is, how much do you hate your job right now?

Dear So Wrong:
Please! Robsten and the Twi crew have breathed new, totally hot life into the gossip game. Thank heavens there are four (or more) movies in this delicious franchise and an ever-expanding cast.

Dear Ted:
What's your take on the whole Eminem vs. Mariah/Nick feud? Both sides have channeled their "anger" into writing hit songs, but I wonder if the whole thing wasn't just a ploy to revamp their lately dwindling careers...I can imagine all three of them sitting around laughing about all the money they've just made by inventing their own little controversy.

Dear Profitable Prob:
Of course both sides are milking this feud as far as it'll take them and their albums, but don't doubt that it didn't start from a real place. The last thing M.C. wants to admit is that she gave a guy like Em the time of day.

Dear Ted:
I hate when you speak in code. Just tell me what you think for real: Xavier Samuels hangs out with Jackson Rathbone (without Ashley Greene) at one of his gigs, and they seem to get along. Have you heard anything about Ashley and Xavier? Maybe Jackson is moving on and doesn't care who she hooks up with?

Dear Put a Ring on It:
He better not care, because she's not slowing down her single-lady status. Good for her, too. Why should she? She's young, hot and has tons of H'wood hotties lining up to date her.

Dear Ted:  
I'm curious about Anderson Cooper, the journalist from CNN. Anything about his personal life you care to share? There is a lot of speculation, but I'd like to know what you know.

Dear Silver Fox:
He's very curious about women's dresses—is that the type of stuff you're after?

Dear Ted:  
I'm not sure of how Breaking Dawn could be split into two films. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have two extra hours of film! But think about it, where to make the cut? Divide it into Bella's human and vampire life or what? I think that if they do that, the second part of the film may lose attraction due to having to wait for it. Also what do you think about making Breaking Dawn into a long film, trying to include as much as possible so it won't have to be divided?
Worried About Breaking Dawn

Dear Epic:
I think if they can squeeze out two premieres, two opening weekends and twice the amount of anticipation, they will. Which means regardless of plot, B.D. will be two movies—if they can finagle their cast together for it.

Dear Ted:
Even though I was prepared to not like the new vampire show, The Vampire Diaries has been getting better and better every week, with really hot chemistry between the costars. I love it! Have you been watching, and any gossip on the hot young cast you'd like to share with us?

Dear Vamp Overload:
We're too busy rewatching the New Moon trailer and True Blood episodes to give some vamp time to Diaries. Don't bite our necks over it, Team A.T. will soon, though, promise!

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