Bitch-Back! When Will the Gosselins Just Shut Up?

Sick of Jon, Kate, Perez, and closeted stars!

By Ted Casablanca Sep 11, 2009 5:10 PMTags
Kate Gosselin, Jon GosselinINFphoto.com

Dear Ted:
Will the Gosselins ever go away? It's obvious that Jon is more interested in how he despises his ex more than tending to his children. I wish Jon and Kate would stop seeking validation from the public and start focusing on their own children instead. It's sad.
Roxy

Dear Gagged by Gosselins:
Oh honey, I'm so over them and their ridiculous ways. Those poor kids are going to have more problems than Lindsay and Paris combined. I mean, like anybody's concerned about them at this point.

Dear Ted:
I know how you feel about Robsten, and I agree we will never get a PDAish confirmation. I'm just wondering if you agree with me that it would probably make everyone's lives a lot easier (including the fans') if they just made a small gesture. Hand-holding, arms around one another, a documented romantic glance or smile? In my opinion, avoiding any and all of this stuff is just more obvious, building rumor and speculation, and making it 10 times worse for all involved. So, what's your opinion on the subtle romantic advance?
Love games

Dear Not So Subtle:
Rob and Kristen have been doing the coy love glances for eons now. So the small gesture needs to be grander than that. Much.

Dear Ted:
With all the talk about beards lately, I was wondering why Perez has been calling women on his site beards? Is he trying to out the Blind Vices you create?
Jules

Dear Pish Posh:
Who?

Dear Ted:
It's kinda nice you and countless other virtual fans out there want Robsten to be together. The majority of us don't know these two personally, yet we feel protective of them and want the best for them. Do you recall any celebrity couple that fans have felt this strongly about before?
Gabby

Dear Where Art Thou:
Gillovny
(Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny), but on a much smaller scale. Also there was America's sweetheart couple Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, but as we all know, that was short-lived as well.

Dear Ted:
Each and every day I shall bombard you with pleas for one tiny word about my man William Fichtner. Too saintly to ever make your column or too private?
Dianes

Dear Persistence Doesn't Pays Off:
Bombard away.

Dear Ted:
I was looking at pictures of the Twilight gang, and I saw that Paris Latsis, Nikki Reed's boyfriend, was with them. I realized he had made a complete 180 with his appearance. When he was with Paris Hilton he was all prepped up, but now hanging around the Twilight gang, he has taken on their style, with the disheveled hair and hoodie and skinny jeans combo. Do I get the feeling that in order to hang out with the gang you have to take on their "style?"
Faye

Dear Morphtsis:
Yes, I think in order to hang with the Twi gang romantically you need to share their lifestyle.

Dear Ted:
Love the blog. I have a suggestion: Can you add a Robsten status bar? I loved the books as much as the next middle-aged mother, but it drives me crazy that you have to keep answering the same question again and again! Wouldn't it save some electronic ink? And you've got to be getting tired of it as well. One question: Do you and/or Team Awful ever post the right answer to Blinds in the comment section? Or on other blind item sites? Just wondering if you ever provide a bit more overt help than in the clues
Livvy

Dear Not So Blind Items:
We don't need to—usually there's at least one right guess from you all in the comment section.

Dear Ted:
Hope you had a restful vacation. We enjoyed Team Awful and tried to coerce a few Blind Vices out of them, but they wouldn't give. Is Baby Tile a he or a she? And is the father a handsome hunk and mother a beautiful Latina?
Cutlet

Dear Careful:
Uh, why not just tell you who the damn dude is already?

Dear Ted:
Seen this picture yet? Suppose we won't be getting too much of what we Twi-hards wanted from the VMAs: R.Pattz and K.Stew sitting with (hopefully) an awkward, and not Taylor. Can't we get anything we ask for!
Amanda

Dear Losing Your Cool:
If you look, there's an empty seat left open in between all celebs, so not too unusual. The open seat is usually reserved for the star's manager, agent or No. 1 hand-holder. Robsten's people always have a bit more work to do keeping things under control with all that footsie they play.

Dear Ted:
I have been reading (and enjoying) you since before Toothy's car-park romp—so many years! Wasn't a Twilight fan and was getting mighty sick of all the Robsten stuff overcrowding your page. So figured I'd better see what all the fuss was about. In the last two weeks I've now read all four books, watched the movie four times, watched every YouTube offering available and read back through all your posts on everything Twilight. Safe to say I am now completely addicted. So much so that I think Summit and Stephenie Meyer should be flinging you some royalties for converting another one to the Twi side. Also, there's a new Twitter page claiming to be Rob—do you know if this is real? @TheRobPattinson. To all your Twi haters: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
—Twi Mom

Dear Hate to Burst Your Twit:
Sorry, but that Twitter account is so doubtful. Especially since there isn't a "verified" logo at the top right corner of "Rob's" Twitter page. Of course, I don't, either.

Dear Ted:
Since you'll never reveal who's gay, which actors are 100 percent straight?
Kanamu

Dear Penis Percentile:
Your question's more than a bit of an oxymoron, babe.

Dear Ted:
Do you remember asking for cute J2 videos? How about this video showing goofy, clumsy Jared and very patient Jensen?
Amber

Dear Guy on Guy Time:
Do you prefer those or Robsten vids?

Dear Ted:
Let's say you are an Oscar-winning actress married to a superstar musician and you really haven't been seen much of the summer. All of a sudden you show up at a nationally televised tennis match and are observed making out with the husband. Since this couple has been married for a while, I can think of four reasons one would do this: (a) problems in the marriage; (b) no problems in the marriage, they just love one another; (c) one of them has a movie coming out this fall or (d) her ex husband has been rumored to be having problems in his marriage. What could it be?
Tara

Dear Multiple Fail:
Oh, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have committed far worse crimes than that.

Dear Ted:
Topher Hairy-Tuchus
is Ryan Phillippe. Just a guess.
Apollo

Dear Cruel Intention:
No, think more relevant right...like now.

Dear Ted:
Just wanted to say congrats on being "the source" of Robsten news. I have seen your name on many other sites as their source. Just wondering if Matthew McConaughey has been one of your recent B.V.s?
Jecca

Dear Mulling Over Matthew:
Nope, not recently. And thanks!

Dear Ted:
Does Demi Moore ever plan on working again, or does she just plan on continuing to ride her husband's coattails?
Kroszelle

Dear Career Stripped:
I honestly think she spends more time focusing on how to stay young.

Dear Ted:
You have adamantly and repeatedly said in the past that you do not use two Blind Vice nicknames for one celebrity. Then, while you were away on vacation, your staffers answered a letter and told everyone that actually, it has happened in the past that once a Blind Vice has been revealed, that celeb was given a new nickname. So which is it, Ted? We need to hear it from you. Is it true that some celebs have more than one nickname?
Blind Items Exposed

Dear Typo:
I think what our dear intern Marc Snetiker meant was that if we've already revealed a celeb's Vice, but they've done something naughty again, then we are inclined to give that star another moniker if we write about them, for legal reasons primarily. Or else what would be the point of keeping it veiled?

Dear Ted:
I think some members of Michael Jackson's family seem to be enjoying the attention they are getting from Michael's death a little too much?
Patricia

Dear Overexposed:
True that, darling. His family took advantage of him in more ways than just one—while he was alive, too.

Dear Ted:
Congrats on promoting adoptions from shelters and the new additions to your family! I don't know if you can post these sites on yours, but if anyone wants to rescue an animal, they should check out www.petfinder.com. Most rescue groups can't afford to have actual shelters, so we foster the animals in our homes. They're all listed on the site. Also please promote "click to give" on the animal rescue site. This helps people too! Check it out. Thanks!
Kfitz Patrick

Dear Pup-a-teer:
I can find time to post any respectable dog sites! Much thanks, babe.

Dear Ted:
Is Judas Jack-Off Chace Crawford?
Edie

Dear Chacing the Wrong Man:
No, no. Chace is a different Blind entirely. I mean, really.