Blind Vice, Awful Truth

You all didn't really think the hetero-Vice streak would continue, did you? Ted may be gone, but unfortunately the closeting of some of Hollywood's most famous isn't going anywhere. Get ready to meet the guy who will have Toothy Tile breathing easy for a while.

Introducing Jackie Bouffant—a name you all better get used to hearing. He's one of the most sought-after actors in the world right now. The undeniably gorgeous and multi-talented young dude has taken the entertainment biz by storm recently. His level of fame has been steadily rising over the past couple of years, although Jack hasn't really had to prove himself talent-wise just yet.

But with that face, hair, and body no one cares. This town is way too superficial!

So while Jackie is looking pretty in all the glossy mags with a beard constantly at side (Crescent Kumquat or No Beave Steve Jackie Bouffant most definitely is not) hardly anyone out there knows JB's past life and love...

With another male actor, wouldn't you know?

At the time they started dating, they were both probably equally famous, but no one talks about Jackie's ex that much anymore. An equally gorgeous and recognizable face, sure, but he just never really amounted to much career wise. Let's call him Frank Dangerfield.

Jackie and Frank were very much boyfriend-boyfriend, and they didn't do a very good job of hiding it. They went to a few gay functions together; a little hand-holding here and there a la Toothy and Gray Goose, and industry folks knew the two boys weren't just going through an experimental phase. No, unlike Nevis Divine, these two fella's are gay, gay, and more gay.

But no one cared much because everyone (their managers and publicists included) thought these kids would just be F-List actors. Uh, not the case for Jackie. He became an overnight superstar.

So you know how it goes—Jackie's told by his whole team of people that if he comes out his heartthrob status is shot and his red-hot career will go buh-bye. No teenage girl (Bouffant's prime fan base) will fantasize about growing up and marrying a gay guy. So Jackie dumps Frank and starts faux-mancing with some other babes around town.

Such a shame. And you all wonder where true love in Hollywood is? It's behind closed closets.

And it Ain't: Channing Tatum, Kellan Lutz, Nick Jonas

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