Well, this was a wild week! While the light 'n' fluffy highlights include the return of Project Runway and a brand-new Dancing With the Stars lineup to pore over, the rest was pretty sick 'n' twisted.
Compellingly so...
1. So that's why all of Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart's friends are hot—they might be asked to strip down and take a bath with the couple at any moment. The duo and gal-pal Kari Ann Peniche McSteamed up the blogosphere this week with a nude romp that Dane's lawyer vows isn't a sex tape—it just features boobs and a penis and stuff. We've talked to Kari Ann, compiled the top 9 celebrity skin tapes of all time and looked into why starring in a sex tape is actually a great move. So what's left for the police to do?
2.The Michael Jackson miasma: Police seem to be closing in on their man—or men, as it turns out. Authorities paid another visit to dermatologist Arnold Klein (we didn't know performing unnecessary plastic surgery was a punishable crime!) and stopped by Jackson prescription-provider Mickey Fine Pharmacy for a little searcheroo, as well. Meanwhile, M.J.'s birthday burial was postponed for a few days and his estate lawyers and family are hammering out deals right and left.
3. The stuff nightmares are made off: Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on the now-scuttled VH1 show Megan Wants a Millionaire, has been charged with murder in the strangling death of his ex-wife (month-long marriage ending in annulment) Jasmine Fiore. The 28-year-old model's badly beaten body was stuffed in a suitcase and thrown in a dumpster in Buena Park, Calif. Worse yet, authorities had to use the serial number on her breast implants to identify the remains because the killer allegedly chopped off her fingers and pulled out her teeth. Jenkins, a Canadian citizen, is nowhere to be found.
4. Fox didn't do the world any favors by airing the two-hour Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage. We were pleased to see that only 4.2 million people gave a crap. Not including social services, that is. Look and learn, Jon Gosselin. Perhaps it would be best if he and Hailey just try to be happy off camera.
5. We're so glad Project Runway's back, as are the 4.2 million people who gave Lifetime its highest-rated premiere of anything, ever. Couple that with the premiere of Top Chef: Las Vegas and the knowledge that So You Think You Can Dance returns Sept. 9... Aaah, what a great week. And American Idol got more guest judges.
6. Brad Pitt thinks that his Nazi film is way better than Tom Cruise's Nazi film. Our critic apparently agrees, having just adored Inglourious Basterds.
7. Production on The Twilight Saga: Eclipse kicked off and Breaking Dawn looks to be a go. Robert Pattinson did some stuff. Oh, wait, no he didn't—but we wrote all about him anyway! Ain't that Awful? Wonder if he saw all these pics of Kristen Stewart and her attitude...
8. Producers had to boot a Big Brother contestant for the third time in show history, this time for chucking her mic into the whirlpool. Chima Simone has since apologized for calling her Lebanese-American housemate a terrorist, but has failed to explain why she's such a pouty, profane brat.
9. The usual motley crew has signed on for the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars. Indicted former congressman Tom DeLay is psyched to cut a rug, for one. He must have seen the new Maxim...
10. More of everything: Britney Spears stayed up late...Kourtney Kardashian talked pregnancy...Kim and Reggie met up...Jason Schwartzman tied the knot...A Biggest Loser couple swapped vows...So did Alyssa Milano...Céline Dion is preggers...Robin Wright Penn filed for divorce again...Richard Hatch thinks he's Oscar Wilde...Jude Law sleeps around...R.I.P. Don Hewitt and Robert Novak...Happy birthday, Madonna and Zuma Rossdale...One Tree Hill's Antwon Tanner cut a deal...A SYTYCD choreographer was charged with rape...Brody Jenner had a useless part of his body removed...LeAnn and Eddie are golf buddies...The Jonas Brothers are saints.
And does Gisele look bumpy to you?
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How about a trip to the zoo, aka the Big Picture gallery, where we keep celebs in 4x6 frames?