Nicole Kidman Was “Struggling” During 2003 Oscars Win After Finalizing Divorce From Tom Cruise

Nicole Kidman reflected on the state of her personal life when she won an Academy Award in 2003, which came after her divorce from Tom Cruise: "I went to bed alone."

By Kisha Forde Jan 09, 2024 3:22 PMTags
Watch: Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise's Daughter Posts Rare Selfie

Nicole Kidman is looking back at a complicated time.

Though she reached a major career milestone in 2003 when she took home an Oscar for her role in The Hours, Nicole admits she was grappling with a difficult time in her personal life. Not long before her win, she and Tom Cruise finalized their divorce after 11 years of marriage.

"I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well," Nicole told author Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights, according to People. "That's what happens, right?" 

In fact, the Big Little Lies star—who shares daughter Isabella, 30, and son Connor, 28, with her ex-husband—recalled she wasn't quite up to celebrating after her big win.

"I'm not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party," she added, "and everyone was like, ‘You've got to go. You've got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award. I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn't feel humble.' Like, what? You can't walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They're like, ‘That's what you do.'"

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's Sweetest Moments

So, that's just what Nicole did—except she wasn't truly in the moment.

"I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn't enjoy it," she explained. "I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more."

And after leaving the party, the 56-year-old noted a revelation came to her.

JOHN G. MABANGLO/AFP via Getty Images

"I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel," she shared. "I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That's when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life."

The Undoing alum recalled, "Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.' I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I'm telling you, I'd be out for 24 hours."

And at least some of those hours would no doubt be spent with husband Keith Urban, who she wed in 2006. As the pair—who are parents to Sunday, 14, and Faith, 12—have noted, they'll always be there for each other through all the highs and lows.

"Meeting her and getting married wasn't life-changing, it was life-beginning," Keith told CBS News in 2016. "It was literally, like, 'OK, life starts.'"

Keep reading for a look back at their sweetest moments.

Sweet 16th Anniversary in 2022

Keith shared this selfie on the couple's 16th anniversary.

2021 CMA Awards

The actress strokes her husband's face lovingly on the red carpet.

2020 Golden Globes

Urban sweetly holds Kidman's hand at the 2020 Golden Globe Awards, where she was nominated in the Best Actress in a TV Series (Drama) category for her work in Big Little Lies.

2019 ACM Awards

This cute moment between the couple was captured at the 2019 ACM Awards. 

2019 Australian Open

The actress cuddles up to her husband during the semi-finals match at the Australian Open. 

2018 CMA Awards

The fan-favorite couple embrace after Keith's win at the 2018 CMA Awards. 

2018 American Songbook Gala

Nicole and Keith embrace onstage during Lincoln Center's American Songbook Gala. 

2018 CMAs Selfie

#Selfie! The country singer and actress pose for a picture at the CMA Awards. 

2017 Emmys

In this 2017 Emmy Awards pic, it's Keith's turn to look down as Nicole leans in.

2017 Oscars

The duo is back to staring each other's eyes but Nicole makes the pic even more sweet by placing her hands on Keith's face.

2017 Film Premiere

The two look infatuated with each other on the red carpet at the premiere of The Killing of a Sacred Deer.

2017 CMT Artists Of The Year Event

This pose is everything and the couple now has it down to a science.

2017 PDA

The A-list couple shares an intimate kiss in this adorable picture that Nicole shared on Facebook. 

2016 ACM Awards

In this pic, the couple gives a variation of their signature pose. Instead of staring into each other's eyes, Nicole looks down as Keith leans in to whisper in her ear. ADORABLE!

2016 SAG Awards

This candid pic proves that the couple does this pose IRL and not just on the red carpet.

2015 American Idol Finale

The couple strikes their signature pose—leaning in and staring into each other's eyes.

2015 London Evening Standard Theatre Awards

The Hollywood couple shows off their pose for cameras.

2013 Cannes Film Festival

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban look in love.

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