Jada Pinkett Smith is reflecting on her mental health journey.
The Girls Trip star, 52, recently opened up about her struggle with suicidal ideation, recalling a tough point she faced in her life more than a decade ago.
"When I turned 40, I was in so much pain," she told People in an interview published Oct. 11. "I couldn't figure a way out besides death. So, I made a plan."
As Jada—who shares kids Jaden, 25, and Willow, 22, with Will Smith—explained, while she was "really living the dream" in the public eye over the years, she also faced a "massive" battle with depression, which included overwhelming thoughts.
"'Just kill yourself, you're not worth anything, you ain't s--t,'" Jada recalled. "I started looking for places, cliffs where I could have an accident, because I didn't want my kids to think that their mother had committed suicide."
The Red Table Talk host revealed an impromptu conversation led to a new possibility, after friends of Jaden told her about the experience one of their dads had with an ayahuasca ceremony. (According to Healthline, ayahuasca is a type of brew made using ingredients with hallucinogenic properties.)
"Ayahuasca helped me, it gave me a new intimate relationship with myself that I had never had before," the Different World actress shared, adding that after her first experience, "the suicidal thoughts completely went away."
Now, looking back, Jada—who also revealed she and Will have been privately separated for seven years—recognized the impact her children have had on her life.
"I've learned how to tune into each one of them and understand their superpowers," she continued. "And so when Jaden came to me that day and he's like, ‘Mom, you got to hear this. My friend's dad, he had this experience. I need you to come in here and listen.' I'm like, ‘I'm there. What is it?' And it opened up a whole new world of healing that I'm so grateful for."
The Emmy winner previously opened up about her journey with depression and suicidal ideation, recalling that when she was around 20 years old, she experienced an "emotional breakdown that definitely affected my mental stability."
"Now, thankfully, I don't get depressed," Jada said during a 2018 episode of Red Table Talk. "I had to uproot some false beliefs. I had to just let go. I had to come to terms with what life is."
For more with Jada, tune in to Jada's Story–An NBC News Special when it airs Friday, Oct. 13 at 8 p.m. ET on NBC.