Jill Duggar was the first of her siblings to go public with her grievances about coming of age as an increasingly reluctant reality TV star.
And while she isn't the only one of the family's 19 kids to have resisted the restrictive religious fundamentalism practiced by their parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, Jill continues to be the most outspoken. After being the only one of her brothers and sisters to participate in the scathing Amazon Prime Video docuseries Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets earlier this year, the 32-year-old mother of three has released a memoir.
In Counting the Cost, written with Craig Borlase and her husband, Derick Dillard, Jill describes scenes from her upbringing that felt like just part of the program at the time—she writes of her dad telling them he destroyed his eight-track collection with a hammer because rock 'n' roll was sinful, of the family's exodus from their Baptist church for a stricter sect after a Christmas service included dancing, of her courtship with Derick unfolding on camera—but which, in hindsight, were stifling.
Jill also delves into her clash with her father over compensation from their time on TV and the public aftermath of brother Josh Duggar's molestation scandal, which resulted in the cancellation of TLC's 19 Kids and Counting in 2015, the launch of her and sister Jessa Duggar's spin-off Counting On and no small amount of humiliation.
Jim Bob and Michelle didn't respond to E! News' request for comment on the details of Jill's book.
The couple told People in a statement: "We love all of our children very much. As with any family, few things are more painful than conflicts or problems among those you love. We've aimed to deal honorably with our children, our finances, and our other endeavors. While imperfect, it is our intent and desire to live a life that honors Christ.
"We do not believe the best way to resolve conflicts, facilitate forgiveness and reconciliation, or to communicate through difficulties is through the media or in a public forum so we will not comment. As the future unfolds, we will continue to love our family, pray for them, and enjoy every moment gifted to us to be parents and grandparents."
Jill writes that she didn't intend her book to be an attempt to reconcile with—or shame—her family. "We will continue to work through matters with family independent of this book," she concludes, "with the desired ultimate goal of healthy relationships."
And in the meantime, here are the biggest revelations from Counting the Cost:
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Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar
In this long-awaited memoir, Jill Duggar and her husband, Derick, share the story only they can as they reveal the secrets, manipulation and intimidation that remained hidden from their fans.