Shannon Beador is reeling over her recent breakup from ex John Janssen.
The Real Housewives of Orange County star revealed her boyfriend of three and a half years ended their relationship in November right after filming for season 17 of the Bravo series completed—a move that left her "blindsided."
"All I can do is repeat in my head what he said to me while we were filming," Beador told People on Jan. 11. "We were in a great place. But seven days later, when the cameras were down, it was a completely different story. He told me he was done with the relationship. And to hear what he said to me then was absolutely devastating."
"I've never loved anyone more in my life," she added. "I was hopeful this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted it to work out. I've never loved anyone like I've loved John. But clearly, he didn't feel the same way."
Ultimately, Janssen didn't see Beador as his forever partner.
"I've been in pain over it," he explained to the magazine of his decision to call things off. "It's sad because I love Shannon very much. I have loved her more deeply than any woman in my life. She's one of a kind; so funny and generous and full of life and adventurous. We have a connection that's unlike anything I've ever had. And I know that for as long as I live, I'll never meet anyone like her again. But that doesn't mean we're right for each other for the rest of our lives."
"The last thing I wanted to do is hurt Shannon, but I do think I did the right thing for the both of us," he continued. "We're two people who love each other very much, but love is not always enough. And while I know Shannon sees it as I've said things to her I never meant, I hope she'll be able to see that there's no bad person here. It's two really good people who couldn't make it work."
Beador—who shares three daughters, Sophie, 21, and twins Stella and Adeline, 18, with ex-husband David Beador—says she's trying to move on from the recent heartbreak.
"The holidays were very, very difficult," she said. "I couldn't believe he wasn't here, and there would be days I would just cry myself to sleep. But it's a new year, and I'm ready for a fresh start."
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