Some people pray before bed. Madisson Hausburg has her own ritual.
Alongside her husband Ish Soto, the Siesta Key star ends each and every day taking her son's urn off the bookshelf and tucking him into bed.
"We haven't taken the crib down because it's too hard," Madisson shared with E! News in an exclusive interview. "We put him in his crib and every morning, we take him out and that's our little ritual."
It's just one of the many ways the couple honors baby Elliot almost 10 months after Madisson delivered her son stillborn. With October marking Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, the 28-year-old continues to use her voice to keep her son's memory alive while also reminding moms that they are never alone.
"Even as time goes on, people say, ‘Time heals everything.' Not really," Madisson shared. "I love him more every day. The further away it gets, the more I love him…Right now, all I want to do is talk about him."
She is also determined to bring his sibling into the world.
As Madisson continues her grieving process with help from a therapist who specializes in reproductive therapy, the MTV star is also working with doctors on her fertility journey.
"Not only am I grieving my child, I'm also now trying to bring a new life into the world and it's really hard," Madisson shared. "It's really hard because we're not having success."
For eight months following Elliot's death, Madisson and Ish were trying to conceive naturally without any results. The process had Madisson asking, "Is there something wrong with me?"
"We've also been going to the doctor and just trying to do all these tests and figure out what's happening and we really don't have any answers yet," she said. "I'm just trying to get some answers."
As eager as Madisson is to get pregnant, she's also really scared.
"For me, it's the lesser of two evils," she said. "Getting pregnant is an absolutely terrifying thought because I now know everything that can go wrong and I've already been in the bottom .5 percent of women who experience stillbirth. But the more terrifying thought to me is not being able to have other children to share Elliot's love. I have so much love to give and right now, all of it is just being poured into my grief."
This season on Siesta Key: Miami Moves, Madisson will continue to document her reality as she receives support from her co-stars including Juliette Porter.
"I'm so impressed by her," Juliette told E! News when praising her co-star. "She is so beautiful inside and out. I'm so impressed by everything she's doing and I know she's going to continue to do it and we're always going to talk about Elliot forever."
In fact, Madisson is in the process of finalizing her first children's book to keep Elliot's memory alive. Titled Where Are You Angel Baby?, the story has been another step in Madisson's healing process.
"At first, it was just a book for myself to write a love note to him," she said. "Then it turned into this thing where I want to share this with other families and for other loss moms. Maybe someone will read it and will feel a connection to their baby."
Siesta Key: Miami Moves airs Thursday nights at 8 p.m. on MTV.