Halsey is reflecting on the last decade of their life.
A week before the "Without Me" singer is set to celebrate their 28th birthday, they penned a message on social media, admitting that—despite their height of fame—they too feel sad and lonely at times.
"I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness," the singer wrote on their Instagram Stories Sept. 21. "I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself. And the weight of it is suffocating. I'm sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn't served a greater purpose other than my own self loathing."
Halsey then wrote that as they approach their birthday, they are "just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18."
They continued, "I am wandering lawlessly and I hope to find my way somewhere meaningful soon so that I can give you the guys I've always known to scoop heapings of into your ears. They are shriveling lately. If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle. With love."
Halsey—who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in high school—has been vocal about their struggles with mental health over the years. In 2019, the "So Good" singer opened up about trying to keep themself safe.
"I've been committed twice since [I became] Halsey, and no one's known about it. But I'm not ashamed of talking about it now," they told Rolling Stone at the time. "It's been my choice. I've said to [my manager], ‘Hey, I'm not going to do anything bad right now, but I'm getting to the point where I'm scared that I might, so I need to go figure this out.'"
Additionally, Halsey—who welcomed baby Ender, 14 months, with boyfriend Alev Aydin July 2021—was recently diagnosed with several other illnesses, including Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Sjogren's syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS).
"I've been looking for answers to the root cause of some of these things, which may be an autoimmune disease," the Grammy nominee said in videos shared on their Instagram Stories in May. "And I know I've had autoimmune issues for most of my life, especially having endometriosis."
However, Halsey said they don't want their fans to worry. "I'm on a treatment plan right now," they continued. "I'm really excited and I'm really confident that I'll be able to do it in a way that's healthy where I can perform my best for all of you."