Abby Lee Miller is ready for her next role: Real Housewife.
Misleadingly titled to make it seem like she's already been cast, the video starts with Abby addressing "rumors" that she's joining the show. It goes without saying that said rumors are unsubstantiated—after all, many of them can be traced back to Bravo fan/meme accounts—but as Abby explains, she's ready to get the actual conversation rolling.
And now she's eager to return to the Clubhouse with a diamond in hand. Added the reality TV alum, "I am ready to sign on the dotted line, especially if this comes with a husband."
To prove she's not afraid to stir the pot—an often important aspect of being a Real Housewife—Abby proceeded to rank (and roast) the current Beverly Hills ladies. Even better, she did so with her famous Dance Moms pyramid system.
Dorit Kemsley was ranked the lowest for being "boring," and right behind her was Diana Jenkins, who Abby went after for her infamous book, Room 23. Joining them on the bottom was Crystal Kung Minkoff, Kathy Hilton and Erika Jayne.
"Erika, I feel for you. I get it," Abby said of the singer's legal woes. "I know all about the federal indictments. Believe me...but you still have to be on the bottom until you get it all worked out."
Abby added that she could "sympathize" with Erika, seemingly referencing her own legal battle that played out in 2016. That year, Abby plead guilty to bankruptcy fraud and failing to report thousands of dollars in Australian currency that she brought into the U.S. She was meant to spend a year in prison, but was released after eight months due to ongoing health issues.
Back on the pyramid, Sutton Stracke, Sheree Zampino and Lisa Rinna ranked in the second lowest spot (though Abby did compliment Lisa's "killer body"). The three RHOBH stars were then beat out by Garcelle Beauvais and Kyle Richards, who made the second highest level.
On top? Abby herself, of course—even though she said she initially was going to place Kim Richards there. Ultimately, "the pyramid was all in fun," Abby said. "I love all of you ladies. You are doing just an incredible job. You go out there week after week and just kick butt, so more power to you."
In one final attempt to persuade the Real Housewives powers that be, Abby even included several potential taglines, from "Nobody is feared like a Dance Mom, until you meet me" to "I call it like I see it, and you're not getting a solo this week."
Watch Abby's video above.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)